Look, Nick Offerman is a handsome guy. Michelle Obama is a beautiful woman. It would make sense that the two have an intense, animalistic attraction toward one another. But it’s not meant to be. They both have lovely spouses for whom they care about deeply. And Offerman and Obama, their energy is purely sexual. It’s not worth it.

And that’s why, according to Offerman in an interview with Letterman, they must be kept 250 yards apart at all times, lest their sexual energy cause an explosion.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.