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Why Are You Doing This To Me, McDonald's?

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | August 10, 2016 |

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | August 10, 2016 |

Having cut the cord and become reliant on streaming services and screeners, I don’t see television commercials very often anymore. It turns out, I kind of miss them. Advertisers are pulling out all the stops for the Olympics this year with several Super Bowl caliber commercials, including the many ads targeting female viewers. There’s also this outstanding Nike ad, featuring the first transgender athlete to make the men’s national team.

The real winner of these Olympics, however, may be McDonald’s, which is attempting to change their image from a purveyor of cheap garbage food into a purveyor of healthy garbage. I haven’t eaten in a McDonald’s in years, but this spot has at least piqued my curiosity with a diverse, multi-ethnic cast and promises of sustainably sourced Alaskan pollock (probably a terrible fish, but still), “fresh cracked eggs” and kale. KALE. Oh, and “cage free eggs” (by 2025).

I would totally eat at the restaurant being advertised in that commercial if that restaurant weren’t McDonald’s.

But the real winner? This McDonald’s ad spot, which pulls all the Dad-strings.

I have never felt so catered to in all my life. A beloved 80’s song performed by a beloved indie artist, Sam Beam (of Iron and Wine) from the “adult alternative” stations that try to make Dads feel cool? 1980’s kid connecting with his 2010’s daughter Frequency-like? OH MY GOD. I love my kids and care about their health, too! I want what’s best for my kids. Why aren’t I feeding them chicken nuggets from McDonald’s? I’M A TERRIBLE FATHER.

They know exactly where our weak spots are. THOSE MONSTERS.