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Miami Marlins' Mascot Stars in Own 'Star Wars' Trailer

By Alexander Joenks | Videos | August 5, 2014 |

By Alexander Joenks | Videos | August 5, 2014 |

Some days, I have to look around forever for something that sparks the urge to write a few hundred words. Some days, it’s there in an instant, a burning impulse that a doctor should probably look at one of these days. And some days, maybe most, it’s all the variation between those two extremes.

And then there’s the day that Billy the Marlin makes his own Star Wars trailer.

And I say to myself, self, that’s not actually news or a think piece waiting to be written, or anything even remotely tied to the multiple and contradictory mission statements of our fine website.

And I retort, that may be true self - and while you are as gorgeous and brilliant as always - you are clearly missing the point that this here is a video of Billy the Marlin making his own Star Wars trailer, and so any argument you make is invalid.

I have many emotions. Nostalgia for that original perfect trilogy. Confusion over exactly why I am so excited. Joy for no particular reason that I can identify. Complete mystification over the fact that apparently the Florida Marlins are still an actual franchise and haven’t folded the baseball thing in order to just sell fish tacos.

And absolute certainty that even Billy the fucking Marlin would make a better Anakin Skywalker than Hayden Christensen.