After completely nailing the Division series winners with my last foray into sports writing, I was pretty sure I could just sit back and wait for whichever team I deemed worthy to win the Series. But apparently the Mets aren’t willing to just let the Cubs finally, finally win the trophy.
And while there is still a chance that the Cubs could come back from this, I’m glad I’m as emotionally uninvested as I am. Cubs Superfan Bill Murray though? Not so much.
Now I understand why Murray and Kimmel would need to touch on the Chicago/New York rivalry. It’s a bitter battle. We in Chicago can’t stop wanting to earn New York’s respect, and New York is an asshole. It’s going to lead to a lot of fighting. What I can’t understand is the unending battle between New York style and Chicago deep dish pizza. Specifically the fact that one New York pizza place is sending their frozen pizzas with Mets fans heading to Chicago lest those fans have to eat the “slop” we call pizza.
1.) No frozen pizza will ever be superior to a fresh pizza. This is fact.
2.) We’ve got other foods, man. You don’t have to eat our pizza.
3.) But our pizza is delicious. It’s carbs, mozzarella cheese and sauce. IT’S NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO FUCK THAT UP. That whole line about how “deep dish isn’t a pizza, it’s a cheese casserole”? What about the phrase “cheese casserole” doesn’t sound amazing to you? Really?!
4.) Does everyone not know about St. Louis pizza? It’s a terrorist act against your palate. It’s an abomination. New York and Chicago are neighbors arguing about if lawns should be mowed in straight lines or at an angle, and meanwhile St. Louis is burning the fucking neighborhood to the ground.
In closing, get it together, New York and Chicago. We’ve got a common enemy we need to take care of.