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'Vanderpump Rules' and 'Real Housewives of New York' Roundup: Really, Sandoval, Really?!?!?

By Kate Hudson | TV | March 19, 2019 |

By Kate Hudson | TV | March 19, 2019 |


Friends. I love Bravo, truly I do, but lately the slate has left me lukewarm and I feel that it needs to be said. Please prove me wrong in the comments, because I may not be looking in the right places. Let’s get to it.

Vanderpump Rules

Ugh. Any episode that is DJ James Kennedy-centric is going to be a slog, and it was.

So DJJK blows his top at TomTom, apropos of nothing and acts like a child, and all is forgiven within a millisecond. Lisa, bless her, clearly loves underdogs and strays, but I’m not sure why she’s lumped DJJK into that category because this kid has been given every chance in the world to reform and he can’t help himself. He simply is that misogynistic, and as a result, makes for really toxic and boring tv. He’s only good in really small doses when he’s not calling whatever woman in a 50-mile radius of his wrath a c*nt. It’s old. Of course, Sandoval stumps for DJJK and his bad behavior because it’s a day that ends in “y” and it’s clear Sandoval, in the very least, doesn’t have a problem with DJJK’s misogyny, but most likely feels the same way.

So what else happened?

Well, Stassi asked for an extension on her book and it was treated as a really big thing when in actuality it was a pretty small thing. Beau looked appropriately concerned. He is a good beaufriend. (I coined that term last night after some wine. It’s not as clever when I’m sober, tbh.)

Katie, Stassi, and Doute went to Marina Del Ray to have dinner at Scheana’s house, undoubtedly because it was contractually obligated, or maybe they felt bad for her and wanted to give Scheana a storyline? I dunno, but the best part was Stassi talking to Doute while Doute was clearly doing a yoga pose in order to accept her truth about Carter. Carter is the worst, and Doute needs to listen to her ladies when they tell her he’s no good. Stassi also told Doute to go confront Lisa at SUR to make sure she’s invited to go to the TomTom opening.

Doute and Lisa’s “showdown” was pretty dumb because Lisa just sort of shrugged and said “yeah, you can go. Whatever.” I love Lisa because she refused to give Doute a storyline out of this, and honestly, that’s the bitchiest way to handle that. So, well done, Lisa!

Britney, it turns out, has an ulcer, which is why she can’t drink. I’m sure it has nothing to do with Jax cheating on her repeatedly last year. I missed Jax this episode. He’s a sociopath I can get behind. DJJK and Sandoval can take all the seats.

Then we get to Lala. Poor Lala. Her dad just died, and people are coming for her. Billie needs to stand the f*ck down. It’s so clear she’s just trying to become a series regular, and now I’m completely against that because of her toxic attitude towards Lala. Raquel, too, is just…girl. When people who are not shortlisted for Nobel prizes are telling you that you’re dumb, repeatedly, then you might want to take a beat and ask yourself if maybe you are, in fact, that dumb? Just no, honey, no.

Then we get to Sandoval, who along with Ariana, basically pile on Lala because they have nothing better to do. Lala’s dad died suddenly, and you two schmucks are sitting there passing judgment on how she acts? Ariana especially needs to take a seat. Her dad also died and she of all people should know how ugly grief is. Ugh. Congratulations, you two! You would officially be the worst if not for DJJK, who took Lala’s breakdown as an opportunity to narc on her to Lisa. UGH. This was a bad, dumb episode, people. Jax was basically nowhere to be seen, and Stassi wasn’t given much to do. DJJK cannot carry the show and his drama is truly toxic, misogynistic, and boring. Next.

Real Housewives of New York

So the big drama this season seems to be the schism between Dorinda and Luann. I’m obviously #TeamDorinda because Lu is bats*it insane and picks a fight with basically everyone on the cast at some point. That’s why she’s one of the best Housewives.

The big drama is that Dorinda wasn’t invited to the new cast member’s clam bake, and lady, if you want to be more than a one-season wonder, you need to do something memorable enough for me to remember your name, all I’m saying. Not inviting Dorinda is a good start, but let’s see where this takes us.

I kind of miss Carol’s bitchy above-it-all attitude. She was the perfect foil for these women. Instead, we get a tour of Bethenny’s rental property in the Hamptons, Tinsley’s desire to eat the caviar she brought as a host gift for Ramona (which, well played. Tinsley was right. Ramona would save that for her real friends to have and not give it to her guests in the Hamptons) and Sonja talking to everyone, including herself, as if she’s in the middle of dictating the memoirs no one asked for, but she’s insisting on doing anyway.

I still have faith that this season will pick up, but they need to get out of the Hamptons already.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

They are still talking about puppygate and nothing else happened in the last episode and I’m done wasting any more brain cells on these chicks until they do something, anything, that doesn’t revolve around that damn dog.

I didn’t watch Mexican Dynasties, or Married to Medicine: LA, but let me know if anything good went down.

Header Image Source: Bravo/YouTube