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"Stop. Pooping."

By Dustin Rowles | TV | January 28, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | January 28, 2011 |

Community (Rating: B-)

  • “Does marijuana help people work faster. I thought it just made them custom paint their fans and solve mysteries.”

  • “Are you ignoring me because I’m Korean?” “You’re Chinese.” “Oh, there’s a difference?”

    Perfect Couples (Rating: C)

  • “Dude, she’s my wife. I don’t have secrets from my wife. What is this? A beer commercial?”

    The Office (David Brent: A; The Episode: C+)

  • “Comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That’s what she said!”

  • “Where’s your jet pack, Zuckerberg.”

    Parks and Recreation (Ron Swanson: A+; The Episode: A-)

  • “I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”

  • “Now, I know I’m not going to find somebody that’s both aggressively mean and apathetic. April really is the whole package.”

  • “Leslie, I typed your symptoms up here, and it says you have network connectivity problems.”

  • “I haven’t had lunch since yesterday.”

  • “You had me at meat tornado.”

  • “I’m surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.”

  • “Good evening, everyone. I’m Leslie Monster, and this is ‘Nightline.’”

  • “Stop. Pooping.”

  • Give it up, everybody, for Scott Bakula from ‘Quantum Leap.’”

    30 Rock (Rating: B)

  • “The Real Transvestite Hoarders of the Orange County Penitentiary.” “That show is so upsetting. Why does the warden let Lady Extravaganza have so many spoons?”

  • “What happens when the second flood comes, and you’re not allowed on Reverend Gary’s ark, especially since Reverend Gary made it clear that the ark is just for teenage boys?”

  • “When the birds first started attacking us, we all thought it was pretty funny and made Hitchcock jokes. But we’re not laughing now, because laughing excited the birds sexually.”

  • “Someone get a PA to feed me baby good or I will drop a D in the green room.”

  • “It was our highest rating since that episode of ‘SVU’ where the detectives watched ‘American Idol.’”

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    Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.