What’s that, Skippy? Deflated balloon man Piers Morgan has awful opinions he won’t shut up about? Again? Well, colour me shocked. Next thing you’ll be telling me he’s a sexist creep who wouldn’t know good journalism if it hacked his phone, but I digress.
With the news that British department store chain John Lewis would be removing specific gender tags from their children’s clothing, sentient prostate exam Morgan, who likes to tell people he’s an LGBT ally (as well as a real feminist, more so than any woman), was up in arms over this political correctness gone mad. How dare pieces of fabric not be designated by a binary system of gender. What’s next? Letting boys wear pink? Letting gay couples marry? Women drivers?!
It should come as no surprise to any of you that ‘drank from the wrong grail’ Morgan has been condemned by Stonewall for his transphobia and bigoted comments regarding non-binary people. Because he’s a proper man, the kind who likes to drink pints and cook things outdoors and constantly belittle his female co-host and brag about being friends with Donald Trump, who refers to him as ‘champ’ (probably because he forgets the cursed goblin’s name).
On the gender neutral clothing, fleshy urinal Morgan was taken down in the most delightfully straightforward manner by comedian and author Julian Clary.
‘I don’t find that confusing at all. My opinion is, why not… It seems like a way forward. Boys are not being told they should wear frilly dresses - you’re just being tabloid about it, Piers.’
That look you see on national treasure Julian Clary’s face is one of quiet contemplation over what would be more effective - the tank of starving piranhas or the pit of syphilitic tigers. I’m old fashioned, I’d go with the pit and the pendulum any day.