Welcome to the Bottom, the Water Is Fine

July has arrived, which to the television gods apparently means offerings that require as little bandwidth as possible (Elle, I Will Find You) and so few other options that habitual television consumers might be forced to consider a low-rent streaming gameshow like Is It Cake?, Nailed It!, or Wipeout — or The Running Man set on a deadly miniature golf course.

There are only so many World Cup games to watch (and red cards to gnash our teeth about), so this morning while I was looking for something — anything — to review, Prime Video helpfully surfaced Would You Rather? Decide to Survive.

Typically, I wouldn’t have considered for a moment hitting play, but the thumbnail helpfully highlighted that Romesh Ranganathan is the host. Who can resist the dry and sarcastic Taskmaster and Last One Laughing UK alum? Certainly not me. The contestants here are all YouTube celebrities, which means I have no idea who any of them are, but they have clever names like Chunkz or Bratty Pebbles or Soup Can or Max. It doesn’t matter what their names are. What matters is that they are ready-made for on-camera banter and low-stakes competition.

In fact, what may be the best twist is that when one of the YouTubers asked what they’ll win, Romesh dryly retorts, “The last shred of your dignity.” Those are the stakes, folks. And exposure, of course, which is probably worth something to YouTube celebrities.

The show pits two teams — This or That — against each other in a series of Would You Rather? games. For instance, in one game — Sticky or Slippy — one team has to traverse an obstacle course commando-style while wearing velcro suits while the other has to navigate it drenched in lube. It is long-form humiliation, and at the end of each episode, someone is eliminated and no longer has to suffer through crudely designed feats of embarrassment.

Better yet, the winning team also gets to choose its side of the Would You Rather? living arrangements. For instance, one team gets a toothbrush, the other gets toothpaste. One gets a mattress, the other gets a bed. And, most amusingly, one side has to eat soup and tacos in pouring rain while the other is forced to do so with a high-powered fan directed at them (suffice it to say, very little of the food actually makes it into anyone’s mouth).

Is it good? God no. Is it dumb? Absolutely. Is it fun? Sort of. No one is “not here to make friends” because they all appear to be friends already; only one uber-competitive YouTuber is actually interested in “giving 110 percent” because there’s nothing really on the line; all the YouTubers are appropriately self-deprecating; and even Romesh Ranganathan appears to understand what he’s signed up for: an opportunity to gently roast everyone else, including occasionally himself.

It’s July. Our expectations are low, and so, apparently, is our ability to deal with dense storylines or complex characters. If you just want something to turn on for background viewing while the family is huddled in front of the air conditioner and scrolling through Instagram, Would You Rather? does the trick.