Review: 'Eternally Yours' Is Watchable

I’ve mentioned it on a few occasions before, but I have a rule: No matter how bad a show is, I won’t stop watching it until I’ve reviewed it. Sometimes, the prospect of reclaiming a half hour (or more) of my weekly viewing schedule is the carrot I need to finally figure out how to review a series.

I thought I’d have more time with Eternally Yours. It is watchable, but on a crowded fall schedule that sees the return this week of St. Denis Medical, The Gilded Age, The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins, Stick, and the latest Netflix binge, Black Doves, “watchable” doesn’t quite cut it.

Eternally Yours is the vampire companion to Ghosts, and if you still like Ghosts, you’ll probably like this. I bailed on Ghosts after a couple of seasons because it had wrung every drop out of its premise. Eternally Yours seems to have drained its own in four episodes.

It’s about a family of vampires who have been around for centuries. Emma (Helen Shen), the daughter, falls for a normie, Max (Jaren Lewison), and through a contrived chain of events, Max ends up meeting her family. Charlie (Ed Weeks), the dad, bristles at the idea, but Liz (Allegra Edwards), the mom, persuades him to give Max a chance. Then one of the sons, testing his vampire powers, accidentally brains Max, and to save his life, the family turns him into a vampire.

Max, then, serves as our entry point into the series: The new guy learning the ropes. But the show is also very CBS: Big, broad comedy, a heaping pile of vampire tropes, and a sense of humor engineered to appeal to as many people as possible. What We Do in the Shadows, it is not, nor does it aim for the same demo.

But again, it is watchable. The characters are likable, the situations are mildly amusing, and it slides down easy as comfort comedy, even if it rarely surprises. I don’t dislike it. It’s almost too inoffensive to dislike. But it only barely earns its place if you’ve got 22 minutes to spare.

And that’s the problem with a show like Eternally Yours: It never gives you a reason to tune out, but it never gives you a reason to tune in, either. It simply exists, pleasant and forgettable, a nightlight of a sitcom on a network that has perfected the form. I’ve written my review, I’ve honored my rule, and now I’m reclaiming my half hour.