Pool Sex Is Hard, Just Ask Whoopi Goldberg

No sex in the pool, everybody. I know you want to. It’s late, you’re wet, and the space is enclosed, so there’s no risk of shark attacks. Still, if you want to try and bump uglies beneath the chlorine-rich surface of your local swimming hole, your other holes may not be up for the extra effort.

Oh, I’m sorry. You don’t want to talk about this? Don’t blame me! Twas Whoopi Goldberg who opened the floodgates that filled the pool with crystal clear water that people should not bang in. In a recent episode of The View, the ladies who lunch got onto the topic of sex. Joy Behar thinks the best sex happens in Italy. Whoopi was more concerned where good sex doesn’t happen: swimming pools.

Whoopi incompletely derails the situation in a way that is deeply funny. Behar remarks that Sex On The Beach is a fun drink to order. She gives sly, quirky mom energy when she says it. Like she’s saying something naughty but not bad. Then Whoopi swoops in and takes things to the next level. Whoopi says that sex on the beach is overrated. Sex in a pool? Even worse.

Here is a snippet of Whoopi warning her co-hosts about unsatisfying pool sex. “Because, you know, if you try to have sex in the pool, you know, that’s not easy. Because you’re trying to go up the hill, and you’re getting resistance from the water that is within. Because when you’re in the pool, you are surrounded by the water. Have you ever tried to put anything…”

The reactions of the others in the room sell the moment. Behar can’t stop giggling while trying to move on. Executive Producer Brian Teta has his head in his hands, earning a hilarious scold from Goldberg. “Oh, you’re trying to move me on, right,” She says. “You tell me to get engaged in the conversation! And then I start to get engaged, and you want me to stop talking!” My favorite reaction is from Sunny Hostin who sits there like this:

At first, I thought she was annoyed or disgusted. Instead, she later claims (possibly jokingly) that she was learning something. If that’s the case, we should thank Whoopi. Her anti-pool-sex PSA helped at least one person and it may help others. This is her Tracy Jordan moment.

Next time you think you want to take an underwater trip to pound town, remember that Whoopi said don’t waste your time. If you aren’t going to listen to the women of The View when it comes to where you get your jollies, who are you going to listen to? The church? The state?! Those are your only other options. Good luck!

"If you try to have sex in the pool, you know, that’s not easy. Because you’re trying to go up the hill and you’re getting resistance from the water that is within." Whoopi Goldberg took a "The View" discussion in quite the direction Wednesday. pic.twitter.com/CbvVjFwPuC

— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) August 2, 2023