'New Girl' May Have Found the Most Ingenious/Stupidest Way to Hide a Pregnancy

By Vivian Kane | TV | September 6, 2016 |

By Vivian Kane | TV | September 6, 2016 |

Yesterday, as Genevieve was prepping you for the fifth season premiere of New Girl, she noted that it seemed like the show was barely trying to hide Zooey Deschanel’s real-life pregnancy. Season 5 of New Girl began filming way back in May of 2015— actually before Fox had even confirmed the show’s renewal— so last night’s episode was shot long before Elsie Otter was born. So that may explain why they didn’t feel a need to utilize much more than a blousy shirt and a kitchen island to make Jess look far less knocked up than Deschanel herself was at the time.

Still, there is a long history of making TV actresses appear far less preggers than their characters. We’ve seen everything from simple coats—

To office cubicles and doorways—

To— in a pinch— giant ass bears.

But last night, New Girl might have taken the cake in terms of lengths gone to to hide a belly. Especially a belly as early along as Deschanel’s. This is not a week-30 pregnancy. This was a very early thing. And still, they weren’t content to simply trade in Jess’ typical Donna Reed dresses for an empire waist. They wouldn’t even settle for a well-centered bottle of champagne—

Or a big weird pillow.

No, instead, the show contrived—in a pilot full of cliche contrivances— an entire subplot based around Jess falling down a huge flight of stairs and stealing her grumpy neighbor’s motorized scooter.Which, combined with a large (oh-so-typical Los Angeles) coat, can make Zooey Deschanel appear totally not pregnant and definitely still sitcom-appropriate levels of lead-female attractive, from any angle! She’s got the kind-of close-up covered.

As well as the long shot.

And even the really long shot.

Hell, she’s even got the almost-entirely-covered-being-carried-from-behind shot down.

If these are the lengths New Girl went to to hide a few-months-in bump, I can’t wait to see where they go from here. The season should have some pretty major fluxes— the shooting was split with a huge hiatus in between, and Megan Fox will come in to be the female lead for at least a few episodes while— by all the reports I’ve seen— Deschanel will bow out when her pregnancy can’t be covered by scooters. At this point, I’m just hoping for at least one giant teddy bear.