While most of the pop-culture world’s attention has been focused on the series finale of Game of Thrones, which arrives in two weeks, I’ve actually been more concentrated on the series finale of show that actually doesn’t disappoint me every other episode. Veep ends its seven-season run this Sunday with what appears to be a 50-minute episode (and for Last Week Tonight viewers, that means it won’t air until 11:40 p.m., thanks also to the extra long Game of Thrones episode).
I’ve been thinking a lot about what would be the perfect ending for Veep, and the only clue that showrunner David Mandel has really provided is that “all the answers are in the six episodes, whether you know it or not!” Also, some people will love it, and that some people will hate it.
I think what has slowly become the obvious answer for those who have been paying attention this season is for Selina Meyer to choose Richard Splett — who has risen up the political ranks ass backwards — as her running mate, only to see him take the Iron Throne, so to speak, and gain the Presidency by virtue of Selina Meyer’s impeachment. I think there’s one thing we can all agree upon: Selina Meyer will not ultimately end up as President. Selina Meyer does not get a happy ending. She’s never achieved a victory without simultaneously suffering a defeat, and Selina Meyer does not deserve contentment.
But impeachment would be too easy because while it would mean losing the Presidency, it would give her a victory in the fact that she won, and Selina Meyer can never win an election. She lost in 2012 and served as Stuart Hughes’ running mate and eventual put-upon, ignored Vice President, and only ascended to the Presidency by virtue of Hughes’ resignation in June 2016. Meyer only served six months as President before eventually losing the 2016 Presidency to Senator Laura Montez of New Mexico. President Montez won because of a tie between Presidential candidates Bill O’Brien and Selina Meyer, which forced the Senate to choose the Vice President, which again was broken with a tie when Meyer’s own Vice President, Andrew Doyle, selected Montez as Vice President. Because the House refused to vote on who would be President, Acting Vice President Montez became President by default.
And what would be more fitting than to see Selina Meyer succumb to her worst nightmare in the 2020 election: See 2016 repeat itself and, somehow, force Selina Meyer into the Vice President’s position. The title of the final episode, by the way, is “Veep,” which may be the biggest clue that Veep will end just as it began, with Meyer in the Vice President’s office. But how could that happen? It’s almost impossible for a Presidential nominee to become the Vice President. Almost.
Here’s how it might work: In a squeaker, Selina Meyer wins the Democratic nomination at the convention in spite of the drone strike during her short-lived 2016 Presidency that killed an endangered elephant (and also, a lot of Muslims during a wedding, but Americans didn’t care about that). However, the surging Jonah Ryan — who is running on an anti-vaxxer, anti-immigrant platform — decides to run a third-party campaign with his “populist” message. On election night, Jonah Ryan ends up winning Florida, where Ryan’s brand of crazy is popular with “melanoma-loving swamp f*ckers, storm-ravaged climate deniers, and deadbeat dads. And deadbeat moms.”
By virtue of Jonah winning Florida, both Montez and Meyer fall short of 270 electoral votes, throwing the election to the House of Representatives, which can choose among the top three vote-getters who will be the President. They choose Jonah Ryan because there are enough extremist voters — “Orthodox Jews, uneducated fringe conspiracists, and Kambucha-douching private school moms” — on both sides of the aisle in the House to elevate a literal anti-vaxxer, inbred sister-f*cker to the Presidency.
Meanwhile, the Senate is left to choose the Vice President among the other two candidates, and they pick Selina Meyer to be Jonah Ryan’s Vice President, which for Meyer would be an indignity worse than impeachment. However, she accepts the position anyway because a viciously cruel Jonah offers her a full pardon for attempting to rig the election with the Chinese and for her role in the attempted murder of her ex-husband, but only if she agrees to be his VP so that he can spend the next four years sh*tting on her.
And that, my friends, is the perfect ending for Selina Meyer.
Header Image Source: HBO