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Five Life Lessons We Learned From This Week's 'Louie'

By Dustin Rowles | TV | April 10, 2015 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | April 10, 2015 |

Louie is not only a funny, heartbreaking, dark, and often challenging comedy, it’s also very instructive. Louis C.K. is often great at imparting life advice, but with his character, Louie, it’s often better to learn from his mistakes.

Week #1: How to behave at a Potluck Dinner

1. When attempting to navigate your life after your therapist falls asleep during your session, don’t dive into the deep end by essentially inviting yourself someplace where you’re clearly not going to be comfortable. And if you decide to anyway, and you’re asked to bring a dessert, bring a dessert. Don’t piss off your host by insisting on making something else. Figure the dessert out. There’s no need to start on the wrong foot.

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2. Always double check the address of the event you’re attending. Potlucks are not uncommon, so it’s quite possible that there will be two in the same building at the same time. Furthermore, be aware of your surroundings. Recognize environmental and conversational clues. Once you realize you are in the wrong place, quickly make excuses — if possible — and remove yourself from the situation. If it’s not possible to make excuses, quietly sneak out with as little disruption as possible (but don’t forget your dish).

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3. If you do forget your dish, do not purchase fast food and attempt to pass it off as your own, especially fast food that is as recognizable as KFC. Jesus, Louie. In fact, going to the wrong potluck not only excuses your need to bring another dish, it gives you the perfect ice-breaker story at the correct potluck. It’s much better than trying to joke that your kid is better than another’s parents kid. Know your audience. Again, conversational clues are your friend.

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4. If a pregnant stranger has a mental breakdown in front of you, it’s OK to offer reassurance. Acceptable statements include, “No. You look fine!” Or even, “You look great!” Do not, however, say to a pregnant stranger that you are not trying to sleep with her, then compare her favorably to your ex-wife, call her “gorgeous,” or compare her to a “classical painting of a life goddess” or suggests she looks “erotic.” All of these statements clearly suggest that you do want to sleep with her, and perhaps it is unwise to sleep with a very pregnant stranger whose pregnancy hormones have made her vulnerable.

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5. However, if you do sleep with her, find a more appropriate place than the hallway. She’s pregnant for God’s sake! She’s already complained about swollen feet, so don’t fuck her vertically in the hallway of her apartment.

If you ignore all of this advice and her water breaks while your penis is inside of her, it is appropriate to assist her in getting to the hospital. However, that is really as far as your courtesy should extend. Don’t stick around for the confrontation with the horrible, unpleasant surrogate parent, and if you do, DO NOT ENGAGE.

However, if she calls you psychotic or rudely tells her partner to shut up, it is perfectly acceptable to tell the unpleasant woman to jump up your ass, even if her surrogate is having a baby at that very moment. Your awkwardness in social situations does not give her license to be awful.

I would also not recommend following the unpleasant woman’s advice.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.