If Kissing Your Third Mom Isn't Acting Out, I Don't Know What Is

By Melissa McKimmey | TV | February 4, 2010 |

By Melissa McKimmey | TV | February 4, 2010 |

This week we have the A and B plots and a bunch of smaller side plots and Bill pissing me off. Man, what an episode. For the record, I hated Bill in the episode. He made some serious mistakes and really hurt people and he doesn’t care. He sucks.

A Plot: Bill’s senate campaign. Bill’s on a radio show. He and Roy Colburn are both planning to run for senate, but neither has made their announcement yet. Colburn talks about illegal workers and challenges Bill. Because Bill is an idiot (a theme to be repeated), he blows Colburn off, which gets Coburn to mess with Bill.

Life just gets better for Don when he finds out that auditors are coming in to look at payroll. Which would be fine, except that INS will find extra wives on the payroll for medical coverage. Nice. Don is freaked out, and rightly so. They don’t have undocumented workers, but they do have a lot to hide and Don’s not appreciating the public scrutiny over Bill’s choices. Oh, Don.

Bill and Barb’s house had been turned into the campaign headquarters. Bill’s posters are goofy. They say “Build with Bill,” since he runs home improvement stores. They fit him perfectly. There’s all sorts of looks and innuendo at the table when Ben and Margie have to share space for a few minutes. Nicki demands to know what all the looks are about and no one tells her. Gee, I don’t know what this family’s issues could be. Bill gets a call that Colburn moved up his announcement, so they are moving theirs up too. In Bill’s world, that means dirty pool. He looks right at Nicki, who awesomely gets all suspicious and says “What are you looking at me for?” Turns out that Bill thinks Nicki has more talents than just building a log cabin for the announcement. (How folksy, Bill.) He sends Nicki to Colburn’s camp to play double agent. And she does it well and with relish. See, I told you guys Nicki was awesome. Hell, she’s way better than Bill in this episode.

Don and Bill talk at the office and it’s pretty tense. Bill thinks that if he tells Don that he’ll keep paying for healthcare for his family, it’ll be OK. Damn, how much money does Bill have? No wonder Margie keeps hers for herself, Bill seems to have plenty to toss around to bail out his stupid ideas. Don’s a complete sucker and tells Bill he was jealous of Bill’s success, but now he’s over it and all in. Oh, Don. Bill’s life is falling apart at home and he’s a first-class jerk. Run away, Don! (I keep typing Don as Don’t. Coincidence?)

Don soon comes to regret his decision. Nicki gets word that Colbrun knows about the polygamy and is sending news crews down to the store to investigate. And then, Bill has the fucking nerve to ask Don to ‘take a bullet’ for him and come out as a polygamist before the rally, so that Bill can save face and make his stupid senate run. And Don DOES IT. He tell the reporters that he lied to Bill and that he is sorry and has resigned his position. Bill’s sound bite is that it is personal and they will deal with it privately. Bill’s pretty much revealed that he is completely self-centered and doesn’t care about the people around him. He is turning into Roman, obsessed with his own power.

I am so appalled that Bill would even consider hanging Don out to dry. What about when the race is over? Bill’s going to look like an ass for speaking out against polygamy by having Don resign, then coming out as a polygamist. That’s not going to win you the popular vote, Bill. The worst part about the whole thing is that I am not surprised that he would do it. Appalled, yes, surprised, no. I thought Bill was a good person, but he makes so many choices that hurt other people and he doesn’t stop to think of the damage that he is doing to other people.

Rally time. Ben and Teeny come out of the cabin, Joey comes out, tossing footballs and looking nice in his suit. Barb and Bill come out. Lois introduces Bill and it’s sweet. Bill gives a speech that means nothing considering his selfish actions. Family blah blah. The best thing he says is when he credits Lois for making him who he is. Frank is in the audience and walks away. I would have had security out there to keep Frank out. I’m surprised he didn’t yell insults at Bill. Bill is happy. I hate Bill. I want to punch him in his smug face.

B Plot: Margie and Ben. Margie talks to Barb, because Barb saw the show and wants to know what’s going on. As one does when your sister-wife and your son are referred to as husband and wife. Margie admits to the kiss and Barb pulls her best shocked face. Barb tells Margie to tell Bill. So she does. Sort of. She tells Bill it was a mistake and she went to kiss Ben on the cheek and he turned his head and that’s it! Nothing to see here! Bill pretends to talk to Ben about it, but ignored the fact that all Ben’s answers come with depressed and upset expressions. Bill deserves what he gets, because he is completely ignoring that his kid is having issues and needs to have the support of his father. Not that Ben should have kissed Margie or vice-versa, but damn, if kissing your third mom isn’t acting out, I don’t know what is. (That’s my favorite sentence I’ve ever written.) Ben and Margie bump into each other in the kitchen. Which makes no sense. Are they at Margie’s house? Why is Ben there? How contrived. Anyway, they give each other looks and Ben calls Margie out about the kiss and she admits that it meant something. Oh, well, that’ll end well.

Margie goes on air and pretty much loses it. She starts strong with a speech about how Ben is just a supportive friend and then starts in about how her husband abandoned her. Which, true. Then she goes off the rails a little, about how her daddy died drunk when she was a kid and how her mom died in a laundry room, also possibly drunk, and now she’s just a single mom trying to support her kids selling shiny things. It’s kind of awesome. She starts to cry and the crew is all sympathetic. The type of people who watch QVC will eat this up.

Teeny (remember her?) earns her paycheck by ratting out Ben’s love letter to Margie she found on their road trip last season. Ben, Bill and Margie have a summit and Ben tells Bill that he kissed Margie and wrote the letter. Ben swears it’s over.

At the rally, Margie is in an elephant costume. And really, Bill, no wonder she thinks you don’t support her; Barb gets to be first lady, Nicki gets to be in the audience and run trusted missions and Margie gets to be a giant stuffed animal. Bill finds her right before the rally and she’s in tears and confesses that she kissed Ben and she meant it. She wanted Bill to be there for her and he wasn’t. Bill looks stunned, but puts on his game face for the rally.

Ben’s in his room packing because he’s going leave for a while. Bill comes in and Ben him tells his plan to leave. And Bill, the man who was run out of the compound when he was Ben’s age, who hates his father for what he did, who claims to hate how the compound divided families, agrees with Ben. He kicks his own son out of the house. Dear Bill, you’re just like your father. How do you think that’s going to work out for you?

How is all this not a sign for these people that this isn’t working so well? I can’t wait to see what Barb has to say. I hope Bill does get elected and when it’s time for him to come out as a polygamist, it’s pointless, because they’ve all left him.

Side plots: Alby. Evil JJ comes to talk to Alby about taking Adalene as a new wife. I didn’t see that coming at all. And, ew. Alby tells him he’ll think about it, then he calls in Adalene and breaks the news to her. She calls Nicki in full freak-out mode. She’s never been like this, she’s screaming and crying and it’s awesome and sad. Nicki goes to pick up Cara Lynn from JJ and Adalene is there and has done a 180. She does the whole spiel about trying to be perfect and doing what is right. Even Nicki, who doesn’t always get it, calls it demented.

I know JJ is creepy and Adalene seems freaked out by him, but I wonder, did he think this through? Yeah, it may have gotten to Nicki, but Adalene is no pushover and she could seriously mess things up for him. Plus, if I were Alby, I’d want her near by to keep an eye on her. He knows what she thinks of him and he shouldn’t trust her at all. I hope she knocks them both down and becomes Joey’s right hand man after he becomes prophet.

In other news of Alby, he turns out to be an accomplished stalker and breaks into Dale’s house after finding out his family is out of town. He considerately brings a present of grape jelly and makes him Turkey Tetrazinni. How does Alby know how to cook? With the labor practices on the compound, the men never have to go near a stove. It’s a mystery. Alby freaks out at seeing some of Dale’s work papers, but Dale reassures him that he would never betray him. Hugging. I love how Matt Ross is playing Alby in a vulnerable but deceptive way.

Frank, Lois and JoDean. This is the comedy portion of the show. The trio goes to the Mexican border to pick up a shipment of birds. Lois and Frank bicker endlessly and JoDean looks like she hates them the entire time. She gets a little passive-aggressive powerplay in when she stealthily lets the birds go while they are pulled over for pitstop.

Sarah has Lelia’s baby still. Bill and Barb tell her to give it back (duh) and then Bill tells Scott to tell Sarah she has to give it back. I respect Scott for the first time when he tells Bill that they don’t have that kind of marriage. I’m sure that won’t last long. Sarah gets teary about the baby they lost, but in the end agrees to take the baby to tribal services.

Barb jumps Bill’s bones to get some tension-releasing sex. At least one of his wives still likes him.

And that’s that. It was a crazy episode and I really, really hate Bill. I don’t know if you got that. I hope he gets some sort of repercussion for his horrid behavior. In the real world, things have consequences and Bill needs to be knocked down a few pegs. I still can’t wait to see where Alby’s storyline goes and I sincerely hope that Adalene messes with JJ but good.

Melissa McKimmey is a mom, wife and grocery merchandiser who spends too much time on the internet and has a Chai tea addiction. She spends most of her time on the internet as TWoP Fan and can be emailed at here.