film / tv / substack / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / substack / web / celeb

goldbergs-sex.png

Adam Goldberg Lost His Virginity on 'The Goldbergs'

By Dustin Rowles | TV | April 27, 2023 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | April 27, 2023 |


goldbergs-sex.png

I haven’t written about The Goldbergs much in recent weeks. The creator of the show shit-talked what it’s become, and then his mother (upon whom Beverly Goldberg is based) also trashed it, and then ABC canceled it, so I didn’t feel the need to pile on. As much as I dislike the show now, I do like the cast members, I’m stoked about Wendi McLendon-Covey’s next series St. Denis Medical, and I wish the rest of the Goldberg kids (and Sam Lerner) all the best.

I am here merely to celebrate a milestone in the decade-long history of Adam Goldberg: He finally got laid!

Granted, Adam doesn’t specifically say so. It’s implied, however, in the fact that — as his grown-up version says — he finally entered “into an adult relationship. And that meant one thing: Sleepovers.” It’s also implied by the Salt n’ Peppa song he dances to a la Joseph Gordon-Levitt in (500) Days of Summer after acknowledging that he’s having sleepovers: “Push it.” Subtle.

Screen Shot 2023-04-27 at 2.08.22 PM.png

It’s a momentous event for Adam, who is seen in bed with another woman who is not his mother for the first time in 10 seasons! It took long enough — not in his actual age (he’d be a college freshman if he’d actually gone to college) — but in the number of seasons, especially given his long-term relationships with Dana, Jackie, and Brea Bee. Speaking of which, all three characters returned in this, the penultimate episode of the series, and while it isn’t a particularly good episode, I will give it this: Adam finally learned a lesson that needed to be learned.

What happened was, after he got laid, he got a letter asking him for his NYU housing deposit. He spiraled about losing yet another girlfriend to the ails of geography. Beverly, however, swooped in with some advice: Boldy ask Carmen — or rather, tell Carmen — that she’ll be moving to New York City with him next year. The aggressive position, however, backfired: Carmen was like, “Dude, back off. I have a life here. What makes you think I want to go to NYC with you?”

Adam takes his rejection out on his mother, who doesn’t understand why Adam doesn’t appreciate all of her romantic advice. That’s when Beverly is told by friends that her romantic advice is terrible, that she’s a “bulldozer of carnage driven by Satan in a hard hat.” Beverly, in turn, calls up Adam’s three previous ex-girlfriends — it’s great to see Natalie Alyn Lind, Alexis G. Zall, and Sadie Stanley again — and asks them if she hurt their relationships with Adam. “YES!” they all say, resoundingly. “You seem to enjoy being an overbearing nightmare” … you are “difficult, controlling, manipulative, and terrifying.”

It was good for Beverly to finally hear that about herself. But when Adam gloated because he thought he finally got Beverly to admit she was wrong, his sister Erica put him straight. “Mom’s nutso butso,” she said (her actual phrase), “but you’re to blame. Despite your ample toy collection, you’re not a kid anymore. You can’t just do everything Mom says and then blame her when it doesn’t work out … you need to decide who you are and start taking some responsibility for it.”

Wow! It took 10 years, but Beverly and Adam are finally forced to take responsibility for their own decisions! Someone actually stands up to them, instead of folding like a cheap card table and delivering an “I love you, Schmoopy” speech set to an ’80s power ballad. Personal growth! It only took 228 episodes!