Hi, men. How goes it? Would you like some tea? Perhaps a lemon-lavender shortbread cookie? I made it myself! In a kitchen and everything! You had no idea I even went in there, did you? Yeah, when I’m not busy burning my bras/middle-class sensibilities, I’ve really got nothing else to do but have babies and fetch my husband his sandwiches. So many sandwiches. Like, lots of sandwiches. Men really like sandwiches when faced with one of those uppity womens, amirite?! Ahhh. Bitches. Fer fun.
So, now that you have my audience, I just want to know *places chin on hands thoughtfully* what’s up? Are you OK? It seems like you have something on your minds. I think one of you has something you’d like to say?
Uh-huh, uh-huh, sure, sure. Sick, twisted, hateful agenda, right. But, let’s focus on the element of this video getting the most traction.
“I, a man, don’t give a fuck about rape victims anymore. I cannot force myself to give a shit. I know intellectually I should, I know that rape is a terrible crime, and being subject to it is probably a terrible thing. But, I don’t give a fuck. And the reason I don’t give a fuck is you, YouTube feminists, you victim cult, female supremacist assholes.”
Oh no! You guys! *slaps around at other women* Look what we did! We annoyed this guy with our tales of MOTHERFUCKING RAPE and bugged him to the point where he can’t care anymore!
UGH, we’re THE WORST.
What your movement seems to be most concerned about is our evil, wicket habit of falsely accusing you of rape (ugh, the numbers are so super high, right!) and our constant domestic violence (will no one think of the men!). You’re probably those same enterprising pioneers of equality who say things like “well, why isn’t there a White History Month or a Straight Pride Parade?” You’re so clever like that. Always thinking. I don’t think that much, it makes my small lady skull hurt. Ouch!
So, please, tell me about all the ways you’ve been cast aside by society and hurt by those cold, domineering feminists who are so always ruining everything for everyone. I mean, as you’re men, presumably straight, white ones who have never in any way been marginalized by society, my gut is telling me you’re just simpering idiot fucks who can’t process a world where presumably straight, white men aren’t the omnipotent leaders of all things. But, what do I know? You set me straight and I’ll totally listen really sweetly, like a woman should, and not at all willing you to get a horrific, flesh-eating dick disease.
Because while your “cause” is picking up some attention, no one is actually listening. You’re dogs yapping at the door while the mailman makes his delivery. You are nothing, you are nonsense, and you do not matter. You are meaningless. You are worthless. As a feminist, I love men. But you? I don’t even care enough to hate you.