As a product of divorce, as many of us are, one of the great things about a split between your parents is that, for six months or so following their separation, parents often get competitive with each other. This is great news for the kids, and one of the best six months of my childhood was going to the movies and the arcade every single weekend as my parents played a game of one-upmanship in a battle to be the more fun parent. After a few months, I probably could’ve bought Microsoft if they’d have accepted ski-ball tickets from Chuck E. Cheese. It almost erased the devastation of finding out that my parents no longer loved each other, would never live together again, and that my father had been sleeping with a 22-year-old cashier, who was a man.
Of course, after six months, the parents realize that they can’t buy our love, or at least, that if they continue to try, their going to go bankrupt competing, and then it all comes crashing to an end. It’s all fun-and-games until you lock your little brother outside of the house after school, he tries to jump through a window, and ends up with 12 stitches in his head and your mother loses custody (which is fine, you wanted to live with your Dad anyway, right?).
Anyway, I wonder if that’s what’s going on in what was formerly the Poehler/Arnett household: Two parents competing to be the more fun parent. Here’s a hint, Arnett: Try not to end those weekend overnight visits with whiskey, Toto records, and silent weeping. It’ll make your kids very uncomfortable.
Hey, but for fun (and as an excuse to post adorable photos of cute celebrity kids), which parent do you think is winning the competition?
Awww, who are we kidding. There’s no winners here. These crazy kids belong together, damnit.