Mother’s Day is this Sunday, and it’s time to do something special for that wonderful mother in your life, assuming that mother is Melania Trump.
You might be thinking to yourself, but what do you get for the Melania Trump who has everything? Well have we got some ideas for you!
- One precious day where Donald doesn’t talk about how much hotter Ivanka is.
- For this blind item to be about her and Jake Gyllenhaal, oh please, oh please, oh please.
- To her husband’s fans to stop asking her to show her tits.
- For just one day to get to sit in a chair instead of on the piano.
- To be deported. Please god. Just send me home.
- More of whatever she chooses to put in her eye area. It makes it harder for the tears to come.
- More hats. Because hats are fun.
- Rapidly degenerating vision immediately.
- Flowers. Or chocolates. Whatever.