Strangers: Dr. Malcolm Crowe—Can you think of anything more dreary than a ghost following you around and trying to psychoanalyze you? Also, am I still allowed to like this movie? Despite the subsequent Shyamalan shyams?
Friends: George and Marion Kerby—Ah, that’s better. I’d take two loose cannon alcoholic ghosts in evening dress over Bruce Willis and his hair piece any day.
Lovers: Caprica Six—One of my favorite part about Tricia Helfer’s performance is that she combines sex and menace so flawlessly. With every kiss she looks like she’s about to bite poor Baltar’s face off.
Partners: Al—I always wanted an Al (and a Ziggy!) of my very own. Whenever I play pool, I think of the episode of “Quantum Leap” where Al and Ziggy plotted all the angles on the table for Sam so he could impersonate a pool shark. P.S. Is Scott Bakula’s face here not the epitome of “Oh boy”?
Fathers: Old Hamlet—Alas, poor ghost, not pictured, Horatio. This ghost, in fact, only shows up a few times, but his presence looms in every scene.
Father Figures: Oliver Wells—We’re never sure if “Slings and Arrows” lead Geoffrey Tennant is being haunted or has lost his tenuous grip on reality, but if you are going to be plagued by someone, at least it’s someone who can help you put on “Macbeth” (which, I’m sure you know, is incredibly difficult to stage effectively).
Cuddly Rabbits: Harvey—Confession? Harvey totally terrifies me.
Absolutely Terrifying Rabbits: Frank—But not as much as Frank.
Good Looking Dudes: Tyler Durden—Like, really, really, ridiculously good looking.
Ditto: Sam Wheat—Hey man, you can quibble about Swayze’s hotness all you like, but the man danced his way into my heart at a tender age. Young hearts never forget.
Joanna Robinson chooses to be haunted by Oscar Wilde…as long as we’re choosing. My mots would be the bonniest.