This Week In 'Seriously, Fuck That Guy': Hope You Like Prison Edition
Let’s start off with the big one: Daniel Holtzclaw, the ex-cop who was found guilty last month on 18 counts of rape, assault, and other crimes against 13 different black women and underage girls, was just sentenced to 263 years in prison. That was the full amount recommended by the jury, but the judge had the option to allow Holtzclaw to serve his sentences concurrently. But the judge opted for consecutive terms, meaning this asshole had better get used to his new digs. They’re permanent.
Okay, who else? Oh, fuck those Oregon militia idiots. There have been a lot of jokes around these guys, from the erotic fanfic to the dildos and lube being sent to them. But there’s real damage being done by these men. They bulldozed a road through a Native American archaeological site, and made this video showing them going through boxes of the tribe
s artifacts— some up to 6,000 years old— that had been stored at the site they’re holding hostage.
Everything about the movie The Boy. Creepy dolls are my immediate and eternal NOPE button.
Fuck the book City of Fire, which is a apparently a real book that a real person got paid to write and then a whole crapload of other people paid to buy and read. I’ve never read it, but after looking over these “50 most unacceptable sentences” from the book, I’m positive that we should all quit our jobs and finally write those novels. The bar for National Bestseller is so low, you guys. (Thanks a bunch to sarah_jwh for putting this garbage fire in my brain.)
Fuck Jeb Bush, who called Barack Obama’s daughter “Malala” this week.
Fuck the OK! magazine article that suggested the internet’s body shaming efforts helped Selena Gomez lose weight. Fuck that magazine so hard.
Fuck off, people who think they can get ANYONE to eat a “serving” of avocado. (BTW, thanks for ruining avocados for me, Courtney.)