Web writers—we’re just like you! We wear bras made out of seashells and have long-flowing perfect red hair that looks the same underwater as it does on dry land, and also, we get annoyed by those same gross ads you do. So that’s why I’ve decided today is the day I beat them at their own game and create the ultimate You Won’t Believe What This Famous Person Looks Like Now Mindblowing Click Click Click Bacon Thong Green Tea Superfood Dr. Oz Diet!!1! post. Because I’m here to help.
Hey! Remember that little girl from Mrs. Doubtfire and Matilda? Her name is Mara Wilson! YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE TODAY.
That’s right! Not only did she age like a human person does BUT SHE LOST HER FACE AND HAUNTS YOUR HOME! Man, the ’90s! #90sKidz!
Remember hit ’80s film Crocodile Dundee? Remember the hot leading lady? Super sexy! Big action! Butt thongs! Well she had a ton of plastic surgery and you won’t believe what she looks like today!
That’s not a knoife! That’s boobs! The ’80s! It was before the ’90s! Haha! Right! Epic!
HEY! Remember that huge hit Stranger Things? Remember the little girl, Eleven or El as we called her back in the day? YOU WON’T FUCKING GODDAMN BELIEVE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE TODAY.
I’M FUCKING SHOOK.
You know actress Melissa McCarthy? She lost a million billion pounds and said goodbye to something and we’re going to kind of imply she’s dying AND YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE NOW!
That’s right! She’s vapor! She can change her basic chemical material at whim! Wow! The ’90s! Fail!
Quick break for your health! You know the latest superfood craze?! It’s not kale! It’s not acai! It’s blankets!
Lose weight eat great BLANKETS BLANKETS BLAKNTS BLAJKLGDKJKJKJJJJJJJJJJ
This post was not sponsored by cold medicine but frankly it could have been.