For about half of the United States (or more), yesterday and today, God officially began his punishment for replacing Idris Elba with Tyler Perry in the Alex Cross series in the best way he knows how: By dumping a shitton of snow on our driveways. For many, especially those in New England, it’s just heaping misery on misery, and we’re running out of places to put it. Our cities have practically been barricaded by snow banks. It’s been a long frustrating winter, and there’s six more weeks of it to endure.
And while winter is hell this year for New England, for some of those mid-western and Southern states, who are unused to a foot of snow and ice, this week has been downright crippling. The one snow plow your city has had in storage for three years is struggling to cover the entire town, and meanwhile, the ice has knocked out your power, so you can’t even enjoy Netflix on your snow day.
Thanks for dialing us up on your iPhone.
We feel for you here at Pajiba. Our power to assist you is limited, unfortunately. We can’t help you shovel your driveway, for instance, nor can we can we force the pizza delivery guy to come to your house in a blizzard. But we can provide the smallest of pick-me ups, a few seconds reprieve. More importantly, a reminder that winter doesn’t last forever. It just feels like it. But in a few months, you, too, could be enjoying the beach, the sun, and the pretty.
Here are Ten Small Ways to Take Your Mind off the Snowpocalypse.
Javier Bardem & Penelope Cruz