Yes folks, winter really is coming and what better way is there to warm up than with sex and action? Action sex? Sex, action, then more sex? Whatever the combination, when this winter’s cold weather threatens to shrivel your private parts, get ye to the theater and preheat that hot action in your lap—either with a tub of warm, buttery popcorn or your favorite partner’s be-gloved hand. I mean, if you have to you can “self-warm,” but I think we all know…a second petter is better. And with that little scenario in mind, here are the Top Five Films that’ll have you shouting (quietly, with your inside-mind voice), “Fire in the hole!” (or…er…the pistol, whatever the case may be.)
5. Haywire Directed by Steven Soderbergh (Contagion, The Informant!), starring Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender. In theaters January 20, 2012.
What’s hot: Kickass female operative (killing machine) (not Angelina Jolie) is set up by her own people and left for dead. She’s pissed and out for revenge. Weapons and hot men abound.
4. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Directed by Tomas Alfredson (Let the Right One In), starring Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Benedict Cumberbatch, John Hurt. In theaters December 9, 2011.
What’s hot: Hot spy men spying. So many hot men spying. An affair with a hot, Russian female spy. It’s all hot.
3. A Dangerous Method Directed by David Cronenberg (Eastern Promises, A History of Violence), starring Viggo Mortensen, Michael Fassbender, Keira Knightley, Vincent Cassel. In theaters November 23, 2011.
What’s hot: Viggo and Fassbender as Freud and Jung who mess with Keira Knightley’s mind and body as they “give birth to psychoanalysis.” Vincent Cassel watches from the sidelines. Sounds kinky to me.
2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Directed by David Fincher (The Social Network, Zodiac), starring Daniel Craig, Stellan Skarsgård, Christopher Plummer, Rooney Mara. In theaters December 21, 2011.
What’s hot: Lisbeth Salander gets a makeover and a much hotter co-worker in Daniel Craig. This one’s going to be seriously dark and full of action; the 100 mph remake of an all-too-dull adaptation of the thrilling novel.
1. Shame Directed by Steve McQueen (Hunger, starring Michael Fassbender, Carey Mulligan, James Badge Dale. In theaters early 2012.
What’s hot: Michael Fassbender as a sex addict.
Sign me up! His visiting sister (Carey Mulligan) puts a damper on the whole compulsive/spontaneity thing. (Just come to my place.) Quickies Hijinks ensue?
Here’s the first clip:
Cindy Davis might already be sitting in a theater, waiting.