Earlier today, when I failed to use a butt-shot of Nathan Fillion as a header pic in a post about “Castle,” a commenter dared to take me to task for such an omission. And because I was feeling playfully spiteful, I thought I’d put together a series of unflattering images of Nathan Fillion. I’d call it: “Fillion Grotesquerie.” I would show her!
It would be my masterpiece.
And so I gleefully rubbed my hands together and headed off to Google Images to begin my compilation. It would be a treasure trove of ugly. Someone would commemorate my post in a plaque. Facebook would be shut down because of the sheer number of likes I would collect. The Twitter Fail Whale would light up the Twitterverse. Harry Hanrahan would have nothing on me.
But the task was more daunting than I could imagine. Sadly, I was met at each turn by frustration, humbled by this man’s handsomeness. It was unimaginable. Nathan Fillion could not take a bad picture. There are thousands of images of Nathan Fillion circulating around the Internet, but alas, no matter what angle, what time of day, or in what shape he was in, the camera could not avoid his dashing good looks, his square jaw, and his wry grin. It was unconscionable. Could such a man exist? Nathan Fillion, it seemed, was immune to bad photographs. My compilation was quickly turning from “Fillion Grotesquerie” into “The Most Photogenic Man in the World.” The scales were tipped. Indeed, the next time you find an unflattering picture of yourself on the Internet, blame Fillion. He is a photogenic hoarder, stealing the allotment of flattering pictures from the rest of us.
I tried. Believe you me, I tried. Unfortunately, these were the most unflattering images I could muster.
As you can see, even with a chef’s hat, even while slightly sweaty, or somewhat washed out by the lighting, even with a goofy face, or while stilted holding a teddy bear, Nathan Fillion could not be outwitted by the camera. His features would always win the day. Somehow, all of this man’s inner attractiveness and charisma would come to the surface and block each attempt to capture that one single unflattering image. My compilation was ruined!
… but then, near the end of my search, after scouring hundreds upon hundreds of photos and examining the the inner troves of fan pages and reclaimed geocities sites (yes, I have a very hard job), I finally found the ugly in the haystack. There it was, hidden deep in the bowels of the Internet, I had found what so many had searched for before, but had only come up empty: The single unflattering photo of Nathan Fillion in existence.
Dr. Horrible would be so proud!
Yes! I have beaten you, Nathan Fillion. I have found the chink in your rugged handsomeness. You have been caught talking out of the side of your mouth! How … undignified! Your mother must be so ashamed.
I will now take a bow.
But for that commenter who inadvertently challenged me to this near impossible search, I will now grant you what you wanted all along, as a token of my goodwill and to celebrate my accomplishment. Here you are, S: Nathan Fillion’s backside. I hope the unflattering image above doesn’t ruin your enjoyment.