There have been a lot of movies made in the history of the world. If forced to do so, you could probably divide them into five categories: Good, Watchable, Bad, Ironic Bad, and Completely Irredeemable on Any Level. It’s that last category I want to focus on today, listing the ten most irredeemable pieces of crap in recent memory. These are movies that oughtn’t be owned by anyone for any reason, and ownership therein should call into a question a person’s intelligence, social abilities, and mental balance. These movies are not good, they are not watchable, and they cannot even be enjoyed on an ironic level. They are markers for a person’s ignorance, unreasonableness, and incompatibility.
There are very few of these movies in existence; if you look hard enough, you can find something worthwhile, ironic or not, in almost any movie, at least if you’re drunk enough. Not these. They are deal breakers, movies with which no evidence can be marshaled to rationally defend them. If you are over the age of 20 and own them willingly, hide them. Throw them out. Don’t tell anyone. Ever. See a priest. Confess your sins. Renounce your affection for them. Visit a rehabilitation center. Stay away from civilized society. You are not wanted. Please return to the YouTube comments section where you belong.
John Tucker Must Die
Beverly Hills Chihuahua
The Shaggy Dog (exceptions only for Robert Downey, Jr. completists)
Matt LeBlanc’s Ed
Son of the Mask
Car 54, Where Are You?
Good Luck Chuck (exceptions only for Jessica Alba’s ass completists)
Rumor Has It
One Missed Call