5. The National Anthem: Give Christina Aguilera some credit: She didn’t lip sync. But she also botched the lyrics, which is odd because this is not the first time she’s performed the National Anthem at a huge sporting event. My guess is that so few people know the actual lyrics, it went unnoticed by many until some nerdy journalist pointed it out. Still, credit her for trudging on like a professional.
4. The Running Man: Is there a Guinness Book of World’s Record entry for the most Running Man participants in one place? If we’d only known ahead of time, we could’ve dug a fiery pit for them to run into.
3. Slash: And speaking of that interminable, agonizing Super Bowl halftime show from the most painfully infectious pop group in the history of mankind, the lowest point may have been Fergie’s Axl-like seduction of the former Guns n’ Roses guitarist during the “Sweet Child o’ Mine” performance from karaoke hell. The very fact that “Sweet Child o’ Mine” was put in the same set as “Boom Boom Pow” is probably enough to discourage Axl Rose from making another album for two decades.
2. Omar Epps: I checked in on Twitter at some point during the Super Bowl last night, and caught that Omar Epps was trending. It took me a second to realize why, but now I know: Twitter is racist. (But not that racist).
1. Cameron Diaz Feeding Alex Rodriguez: If you’re like me, and 98 percent of the free world, you hate the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez. This moment will be mentioned on every sports talk radio show for the next decade. It’s not that Diaz simply fed Rodriguez popcorn, which might have been cute if anyone actually liked Rodriguez or Diaz, it’s the look of utter annoyance on Diaz’s face that sells it. It was deliciously joyless.