Television's 7 Biggest Blandy McBlandersons
7. Colin Jost, Host of “Weekend Update” on Saturday Night Live. Jost has only two expressions: Blank, and blank with a smirk. Every time he drops a punchline, he looks like he’s being goosed. So far, his only value on “Update” is as the uncool white guy that Michael Che can make fun of. That may be the best role he ever plays.
6. Tony Goldwyn, President Fitzgerald Grant on Scandal. Take it away, Brian Byrd: “The president on Scandal is a beige store mannequin with vanilla cologne. His favorite food is cardboard. That motherfucker couldn’t be interesting if a scene called for him to rip off his own dick and use it to sign an Amendment to the Constitution reinstating slavery.”
5. Dylan Bruce, Paul from Orphan Black — It took me nearly a full season to recognize that Paul was a series regular. I just thought they kept bringing in new bland white guys to play similar roles. As soon as he disappears from a scene, I completely forget that he exists until he shows up again.
4. Ben McKenzie, Jim Gordon in Gotham — It’s not like McKenzie had personality to spare on The O.C. or in Southland, where his stoicism actually served him well. But in a show with bright comic-book colors, outlandish characters, and over-the-top performances, McKenzie’s blandness just fades into the background like a plant on a desk. A tiny dash of personality, and he’d be smoldering. As it is, he’s a empty coffee mug of a character.
3. Katie Cassidy, Laurel Lance in Arrow. The only interesting thing about Laurel Lance through two seasons of Arrow has been watching her face develop new angles. She’s the weakest link in an otherwise insanely fun show to watch, and thinking that she’d be the series long love interest put a damper on my initial excitement for the show until it became fairly apparent that that wouldn’t be the case (I hope).
2. Isaac Hempstead Wright, Bran Stark in Game of Thrones. It has to say something about a character that the guy who can only say one word (HODOR) is infinitely more interesting and charismatic than a guy who has visions of the future. Sometimes, I wish that castle was a few hundred feet higher when Jaime Lannister pushed Bran out the window. It’d have saved us a lot of tedium. He’s not supposed to be in the fifth season of Game of Thrones at all. I doubt we’ll notice.
1. Megan Boone, Elizabeth Keen in The Blacklist — That she’s a brunette actress in The Blacklist is all I ever remember about Megan Boone, and I’ve seen every episode. I don’t remember her name without looking it up, and I don’t remember her character’s name without looking it up. If she weren’t in every scene of The Blacklist, I’d probably forget she was even on the show. She’s like invisible ink: You see her at first, and then she just kind of disappears while you nod off and wait for James Spader to return. Scenes between her and Diego Klattenhoff, whose only interesting quality is his name, are like watching paint holding a gun while its drying.
(Hat Tip: The Eloquents)