I find the Important Stuff so you don’t have to.
5. Aaron Eckhart Signed on to Play the POTUS.
We may have lost Two-Face, but we’ve gained a hot leader. Harvey Dent is in the White House, I repeat, Harvey Dent is in the White House. Eckhart will star in Director Antoine Fuqua’s (Training Day, King Arthur, Shooter) Olympus Has Fallen (formerly White House Taken) alongside Secret Service Agent Gerard Butler, who must ward off terrorists who’ve taken over the Presidential crib. Die Hard in the White House with prettier people? I’m in.
4. Er, Charlie Sheen Did Too.
Well now, all the news can’t be pretty, can it? Still, Robert Rodriguez directing Danny Trejo, Edward James Olmos, Mel Gibson, Demián Bichir, Amber Heard and the boobalicious Sofia Vergara in the brilliantly titled Machete sequel, Machete Kills would seem to have some merit; Crazy Showdown of the Year: Gibson vs. Sheen (Can we get some Alec Baldwin in on this shit?). Gotta hand it to Charlie for doing his best to follow in Daddy’s footsteps (playing the President).
3. “American Horror Story” Tossed Jessica Lange a New Habit.
After spending last season drinking, smoking and stealing babies, “American Horror Story” decided to clean up Lange’s act—she’s playing a nun. Lange’s new character will be the administrator in charge of the 1960s East Coast mental facility, and lest you worry she’s gone too good (come on now, it’s Jessica Lange), read the next item…
2. And Joseph Fiennes Looks to Be Playing Her Lover.
Shakespeare in Love headliner and “Camelot’s” Merlin has signed on to play Lange’s boss—head of the mental institution—and her secret, younger paramour. Fiennes’ character is said to be “tortured;” I say, please let that meaning be literal. Can’t you just picture Miss Jessica, costumed in pure white and cracking the whip on her boy toy’s pretty derriere?
“AHS” also stars James Cromwell, Chloe Sevigny, Zachary Quinto, Adam Levine, Lily Rabe, Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters.
1. Matt Smith Said He Wants to Be the Doctor Forever.
Eleven seems to be enjoying his run more than previously thought or predicted. Our gangly, good fellow—who last claimed to have only one year left, and was anticipated to leave sooner rather than later—has answered the question of how long he plans to stay: “Forever. 50 years. I’m loving making it. I think we’ve got one of our strongest seasons yet coming up. I really do. We go into the 50th year all guns blazing. And I’ll be around. So…that’s it, really.”
Meanwhile, the latest rumor is of a lesbian encounter for new companion, Clara (Jenna-Louise Coleman). Lizard-like Silurian alien, Madama Vastra
will develop a bit of a crush on Clara, and you know—hijinks ensue. Presumably the Doctor’s bow tie perks up a bit.
On a sad note, former companion Caroline John who played Scientist Liz Shaw to Jon Pertwee’s Third Doctor, died at age 71.
Cindy Davis isn’t sure she’d want to live forever.