Note: Hi there, it’s me, Kate, your resident weirdo and conspiracy theorist. Before we launch into today’s very inane (and dumb) post, it feels disingenuous to do something silly without acknowledging ‘Surviving R Kelly’, which I watched over the weekend. I feel a slimy ooze clinging to me after finishing it, because we have failed the women he’s abused, and I was shamefully complicit in that, as someone who still listened to his music and wrote him off as just a weirdo up until this series. He’s not a weirdo, he’s a monster. There’s no other word for it, and honestly that word doesn’t feel strong enough. Roxana has written a piece on the show which will run today or tomorrow, and she did a better job than I ever could writing about his horror show of abuse and the survivors he leaves in his wake. Sometimes you have to take a break from all the slime and horror and think about something silly and dumb, as a distraction. This is that kind of post. However, before we launch into it, if you’re having a hard time with the aftermath of the show, you can contact The National Sexual Assault Hotline 24/7—800.656.HOPE or at http://online.rainn.org.
Ok, so I regret to inform you, but he was right:
Not only is it aliens, but it’s aliens who are sick of our sh*t and want to blow up our planet because they have reasons, and we’re not in a position to question them right now…but friend, we do have one hope. The aliens have told us that they will not blow up our planet if we can demonstrate to them, via one song, why it’s a planet worth saving.
What song do you choose?
I posed this question on the Overlord Slack channel, and Dustin responded almost immediately (which begs the question: what does he know?) with his answer:
“Aliens love boy bands, easy to understand lyrics, and lovely melodies. This is for the planet, Kate!”
Personally, as a diehard NKOTB fan, I approve his selection. Although, The Delfonics might feel like they got slighted we opted to go with a cover version.
Steven, after much coaxing to accept this premise (denial is a helluva drug), opted for this, with the following commentary “Just acknowledge the end and tell them we’re ok with it.”:
Tori waffled between acceptance and defiance with her choice, and had a hard time picking between:
“We could just accept our demise…”
“This isn’t to save the world - this choice is simply because if I’m going to die, I want to hear Bruno Mars singing “we’ll be f*cking like gorillas” just in case you didn’t already understand what the song was about.”
Jodi took a page from Dustin and went with:
But later came up with:
Lainey picked what I honestly would have thought Jodi would have (she did enthusiastically agree with her) so maybe that’s two votes for:
Petr, a man of conviction, definitively knew his choice with below, only providing one word as commentary, “Obviously”:
Emily, picked hers with the following thoughts, “Because the end of the word is no reason to stop being a stubborn a*shole”:
She later presented this without comment in the thread, but I think her reasoning is within the same train of thought:
Roxana, who is a peach, because she took this question seriously, opted for:
Finally, Seth, who thought my initial stated choice would certainly get us all killed (more on that in a moment) believes that his choice would save us, stating “if you’re playing [REDACTED], I welcome the icy cold embrace of alien extermination. And I’d play this because f*ck it, why not”
Genevieve had a hard time decided between a pop standard and classical…
“Like, this both demonstrates remarkable creative achievement, AND gives us like half an hour to strategize a counterstrike. Preferably timed to the Ode to Joy at the end.”
As for me? Well, let me walk you through my thought process before I tell you.
In order to save the world through one song, I think that the song you pick needs to demonstrate the best that humanity is capable of. Pick a song that is about sadness or heartbreak, and the aliens will blow us up out of pity because they think they’ll be doing us a favor. That means my favorite song of all time is out of the question, as it’s about heartbreak and loss, “Bring it On Home to Me” by Sam Cook.
I did a search for the happiest song of all time, and it turns out some guy did an equation and it’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen, but that’s not even in my top 5 of Queen songs, so I can’t do that.
I almost went with my party jam because it’s upbeat, and you can’t help but rock out to it:
Or this one, because it’s fun, happy, and you can dance to it:
I will be honest, up until I sat down to write this post, I was going to go with this one, which Seth said would end the world:
No friends, as I was writing this, the perfect song to save the world came to mind, and it’s this:
A song about hope, love, and the future—it’s about the best of us. Falling in love, caring for each other, and creating a family, all set to one of the catchiest melodies of all time, it’s a sure thing. How could the aliens possibly destroy a world that gave us The Crystals, particularly Darlene Love?
I rest my case.
So now the question is posed to you: what song do you use to save the world?
Header Image Source: New World Pictures