Honestly, if you’re a celebrity (the kind that actually brings home some decent dough) who gets paid for being yourself or pretending to be someone else, you could at least keep your petty infighting to yourself. Making all that money, eating all that fancy food (or if you’re a Goop, maybe just inhaling the fancy food vapors and then consciously uncoupling them from your body), hiring decorators to fix up your crib and having all those porn parties…who’s got time for fighting? Unfortunately, the answer is: Plenty of You, as evidenced by the previous Lifestyles of the Bitchy and Famous edition. But unlike those actors who just couldn’t get along, this group seem to be looking for excuses to start up with each other; in other words, these star wars are generally silly nonsense that even we mere pedestrian folk wouldn’t bother fighting over.
1. Gwyneth Paltrow Steals Madonna’s Trainer
These BFFs forever did everything together, including, as many BFFs do, working out. Madonna introduced the Goopster to her personal trainer, Tracy Anderson and Gwyneth’s life was changed. And you know how giving Goopy is; like everything else she tries, Gwyn wanted to share her discovery with the little people, so she decided to promote and go into business with Tracy, despite the fact that Madonna practically owned Tracy first and quite possibly intended to
sell work with Tracy herself. Madonna found herself a new trainer and put out her own line of workout videos, but the girls’ friendship suffered a TKO.
2. Chelsea Handler Calls Angelina Jolie a “Homewrecker”
3. Brad Pitt Makes Fun of Tom Cruise
There’s supposedly been a longstanding rivalry between the two actors, dating back to Interview with a Vampire (Pitt called Cruise “Dr. Strange”), but you’d think by now a couple of big movie stars could get past such petty jealousy. Apparently not; during his Inglorious Basterds press tour, Pitt felt the need to slam Cruise’s Valkyrie, calling it a “ridiculous movie.”
4. Courtney Love Can’t Wear Chanel, Blames Lily Allen
After Love claimed Allen “put a lock” on designer Chanel prior to the Brit Awards, the singer went out of her way to insult Allen every chance she got; Lily responded in kind: “She’s upset because she has got it into her head that i put a lock on some dresses for the brit awards. She’s made no secret of this and, when i saw her at the NME’s she tried to talk to me and i told her to shut up and stop spreading stupid rumours about me. And thats pretty much it. I would never fight with her, as a rule I don’t pick on crazy old ladies.”
5. Jon Hamm Insults Kim Kardashian
If you are Jon Hamm, why do you even take notice of Kardashians? And even if you do, why bother speaking about them publicly? ‘Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated…Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly.” Later, when asked about being a sex symbol, her referenced her again: “The sexy thing is so ephemeral and meaningless other than in the world of selling magazines. Who cares, when it’s reduced to just that? You might as well be a Kardashian and have a sex tape.”
Just move along, Jon.
6. Daniel Craig Can’t Contain His Kardashian Disdain
Likewise, Craig seems a little too bothered by Kardashian antics: “I think there’s a lot to be said for keeping your own counsel…You can’t buy it back. You can’t buy your privacy back. ‘Ooh, I want to be alone. ‘Fuck you. We’ve been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta, and now you want some privacy’”
“Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions. Millions! I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with, but now look at them. You see that and you think, ‘What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a fucking idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions?’”
7. Kanye West Goes Nuts over Jimmy Kimmel’s Jokes
Well, we’ve seen this before and I’m sure we’ll see it again. Kimmel joked about Kanye’s bragging that he’s “the number one rock star on the planet” and (surprise!) Kanye didn’t like that, so he went on a Twitter bender…which of course only spawned further mocking.
8. Sharon Osbourne Rages over Nicole Kidman’s Claims She’s Completely Natural
Osbourne has been pretty upfront about her plastic surgery, and I guess that means she believes everyone else must out themselves. “‘Oh my God! Those liars! I hate them! Those bitches! ‘…I didn’t do anything.’ Meanwhile, there eyebrows are here. Lying bitch’ ‘Nicole Kidman’s forehead looks like a fucking flatscreen TV! How big is that forehead?”
9. Taylor Swift Gets Angry After Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Poke Fun of Her
After the Poehler and Fey Golden Globes joke about Swift steering clear of Michael J. Fox’s son, the singer seemed inordinately angry, telling Vanity Fair “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” (Of course Tina an Amy were obligated to have fun with that line; after Poehler won an award for Parks and Recreation, Fey congratulated her friend: “…I love you, and there’s a special place in hell for you.”)
10. Sylvester Stallone Calls Bruce Willis Greedy and Lazy
After starring in two Expendables films together, Stallone replaced Willis with Harrison Ford — an admirable upgrade by any measure. Behind the scenes (which is probably where these sorts of things should stay between “professionals”), it seems Willis’ salary demands were getting out of hand, so Stallone took to his Twitter:
Wah wah. Maybe handle that shit in private, eh boys?