Eddie Redmayne Stars In the 21st Century Bad Movie Accent Death Match
Bless Eddie Redmayne’s sweet freckled heart. The man can act, he’s primed to win an Oscar in like two and a half weeks, and yet he has an absolute shitstinker of a movie coming out tomorrow. He and Julianne Moore need to hang out and bond.
Perhaps the weirdest thing about Jupiter Ascending—far weirder even that Mila Kunis’ “Yeah, I guess I’d fuck a dog” comment—is Eddie Redmayne’s weird, wheezy accent. It’s fucked up, sure, but how fucked up is it? I present its competition from the last 15 years of moviedom: vocal atrociousness, either from an inaccurate accent or oddball vocal stylings. Each actor will be ranked on a scale of 1-5 Keanu Reeves in Draculas.
Gabourey Sidibe, Tower Heist
Either do an Jamaican accent or not, Gabby, c’mon.
Shia LaBeouf, Nymphomaniac, Vols. 1 & 2
Lars von Trier’s uncomfortable sex scenes made me wince less than The Beef’s attempt at a British accent.
Tom Hardy, Bane
Fuck it, I love the Bane accent. It’s weird as shit and at times tough to understand, but it kept my interest. And if Tom Hardy’s going to achieve his goal of absorbing the soul of Gary Oldman, he has to keep his accent game extreme and consistent. Who am I to tell a man not to follow his dreams?
Gerard Butler, PS I Love You
Butler apologized to the nation of Ireland for this accent, saying “I realize it’s a much more beautiful language and accent than what I gave, but I tried my best… I made you look like funny people.” I’m knocking off one Keanu Reeves in Dracula for his honesty and humbleness.
Will Smith, After Earth
Keep the monotone going, Will. I fully intend to sleep through this, and it’s helping me nod off.
Angelina Jolie, Alexander
Ancient Greeks were apparently Russian. Who knew?
Don Cheadle, the Ocean’s Eleven series
…at least he’s having fun?
Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained [No video on YouTube—Tarantino’s been pretty good on hiding his shame.]
“Hey, so I’ve been thinking about my cameo in this one. I wrote a scene with this Austrlian characte., I think I’ll play him.”
“But… can you do an Australian accent?”
“Eh, can’t be that hard. I’ll make the scene five minutes long to give me some time to warm up.”
Marion Cotillard, Public Enemies
Fun fact: This accent is supposed to be Midwestern.
Harrison Ford, K-19: The Widowmaker
Just say “nyet” to fake, inconsistent Russian accents.
Jodie Foster, Elysium
Everything about Elysium points to director Neill Blomkamp being a bit overwhelmed by post-District 9 expectations (“Man, the social allegory stuff in District really hit. I’m gonna double down on it this time.” “Do you want to come up with a solid story first, or…?” “Nah, nah, that’s secondary.”), which might explain why he didn’t pull Jodie Foster aside one day and ask her “WHAT. THE. FUCK?”
Eddie Redmayne, Jupiter Ascending
Redmayne’s constipated old man voice has the potential to be amusing if you can get past the second-hand embarrassment. I couldn’t.
Tommy Wiseau, The Room
Tommy Wiseau gets a bonus Keanu Reeves in Dracula for this being his real voice.