When first I saw Ben Affleck’s new hair, I thought it looked awful. It’s Bieberish, too metro/male-model-y and he really doesn’t look like himself anymore. Turns out that the style is for a movie role, so at least we know he’s not going through one of those near-midlife crisis thing gone bad. Admittedly, the more pictures I see, the less I dislike it, though he still looks better without bangs.
But Jesopus, there are a lot of Hollywood men running around with bad hair. The more I looked at pictures around the ‘sphere, the worse things got. So what else could I do, but try to help? Maybe these poor guys don’t know what they’re doing wrong. Because they’re famous, people might be afraid to step up and say, “Hey man, you look like a fucking fool. Here’s what you’re doing wrong. Now go get some help.” Me, I’m not afraid. I’m here to help identify the problems so these mistakes can be rectified and so the rest of you regular menfolk out there will know what to avoid. If your body is a temple, hair—by extension(s)—is sacred.
Mistake Number 1: Color Gone Wrong:
Dudes, you can all afford a good colorist. Find one and pay him.
Mistake Number 2: Going Bald But Think It Looks Better to Leave on Some Hair…Any Hair:
Having a couple of tufts on the side or using a piece to cover up the fact that your hairline starts on the back half of your head is not fooling anyone. Just shave the rest of that shit off and own your egghead.
Mistake Number 3: Thinking Long(ish) Hair Equals Hip, Cool or Youthful:
Long, fried, stringy hair is making you look worse, not better.
Mistake Number 4: Not Doing Anything at All with That Mess:
Again, can’t you fellas get a decent haircut and someone to show you how to use product? Sticking your finger in a light socket and then dipping your head in a bowlful of gel ain’t doing it.
Mistake Number 5: No Comb-overs Ever.
East Coast Represent:
Just shave it off. Do eet.