1. Snickers would be Fun Bobby: A party of chocolate and peanuts in your mouth.
2. Milky Way would be Fun Bobby after he’s sobered up: Mushy, boring milk chocolate.
3. Skittles would be Erlich Bachman: Colorful, tasty in short doses, and obnoxiously sticks to your teeth.
4. Twix would be Troy and Abed, a delicious pair with a crunchy wit.
5. Three Musketeers would be Jesse, Danny and Joey: Decent, risk-free, afternoon comfort candy that goes down easy.
6. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are J.D. and Turk, the perfect marriage of flavors.
7. M&Ms are Danny Castellano: A hard outer shell, but once you break through, it’s delicious in the middle.
8. Almond Joy is Jan Levinson: She seems great, until you get to know her and realize she’s full of disgusting coconut.
9. Sour Patch Kids are Chloe, sweet on the outside but a total bitch underneath.
10. Big Bang Theory is the Red Vines of candy in that it wishes it could be Twizzlers, but it’s just a pretender.
11. Pez is Saturday Night Live: You’re always nostalgic for it, but it’s never as fulfilling as when you were young.
12. Liz Lemon is Butterfinger: Crisp, a little flaky, complicated and delightful.
13. Charlie Kelly is Starbursts: Intense, fruit-flavored taffy.
14. Ted and Tom are Werther’s Original and/or Butterscotch candy, because they’re just plain sad.
15. Manny is Candy Corn because it’s the worst.