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I Keep Reaching Up, But They Drag Me Back Down: Five Things You May Not Have Heard About This Week

By Cindy Davis | Lists | February 19, 2012 |

By Cindy Davis | Lists | February 19, 2012 |

I find the Important Stuff so you don’t have to.

5. Shakira Was Attacked By a Sea Lion.


While on vacation in South Africa, the Columbian singer got just a little too close to the lion’s chaise (rock) and mean old mister sea lion tried to bite her. But no need to worry—Hips Don’t Die. Shakira’s brother scared away the nasty critter and all she ended up with was a scraped palm.

4. Uggie (The Artist) Wins the Golden Collar, Will Perform with Billy Crystal at the 2012 Academy Awards and Subsequently Retire.

golden collar.jpg

The fabulous little Jack Russell Terrier known as Uggie is going out with a bang. After winning the Palm Dog Award at Cannes (2011), Uggie went on to win the prize for Top Dog in a Film at the first annual Golden Collar Awards. Unfortunately, because of a mysterious shaking syndrome, Uggie’s owner has decided it’s time for the little fella to retire (he’s 10) after performing a final skit with Billy Crystal at the Academy Awards next Sunday. In an amusing aside, Director Martin Scorsese was upset that Hugo’s Blackie had been excluded from the Golden Collar nominations and wrote a protest letter that appeared in the Los Angeles Times. Despite Blackie receiving over five hundred write-in nominations, there was an error and the Doberman never appeared on the official ballots.

3. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Kate Upton is Too Chubby, Too Blonde, Too Generic and Possibly Too Slutty.


Just so we ladies never forget, there is no such thing as perfection. Approximately ten seconds after the 2012 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition cover was released, Victoria’s Secret fashion show casting director, Sophia Neophitou said “We would never use Ms. Upton for a Victoria’s Secret show…she is too obvious to be featured in what has become the most widely viewed runway show in the world. She’s like a Page 3 girl,” Ms. Neophitou said, referring to the scantily clad voluptuous women featured in The Sun, a London tabloid. “She’s like a footballer’s wife, with the too-blond hair and that kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy.” Bitter much, lady? Meanwhile, the usual unnamed people in the fashion world are again throwing around the word “chubby.” Yeah right, let’s see you cowards in that suit. (I want to be chubby like that.)

2. Donald Sutherland Is Coming to a Television Near You.


President Snow (in the upcoming Hunger Games film adaptation) will play Mike Vogel’s (Cloverfield, The Help, Blue Valentine) father in a new Fox comedy by “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” writers, Rob McElhenney and Rob Rosell. “Living Loaded” has professional drunk Dan (Vogel) trying to reform as he goes from writing a blog to hosting a NPR radio show at Dad’s public radio station. The comedy is based on former Playboy columnist Dan Dunn’s memoir and will also star Rob McElhenney (“Lost, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”) and Michael Marc Friedman (“Days of Our Lives, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”).

1. Kyle Chandler Joined Fellow Pretty Boy, Joel Edgerton in Kathryn Bigelow’s Hunt for Bin Laden Film, Untitled International Thriller.


For those of us already frothing at the bit over Director Kathryn Bigelow’s (The Hurt Locker) next outing, Chandler is a great addition to what’s sure to be a tense telling of the Navy Seal group that searched out and killed Osama Bin Laden. Chandler joins an impressive cast of actors: Joel Edgerton, Jessica Chastain, Jason Clarke, Chris Pratt, Edgar Ramirez and Mark Strong. Bigelow’s film is under investigation by the Pentagon following charges that she gained “inside information” about the mission, but production has not been stalled and the film is set for a December 19th release.

Cindy Davis thinks chocolate is quite important.

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