I think it’s been made pretty clear around these parts that, for most of us, April Fool’s is not our favorite day. Even beyond the regular “pranks” and “jokes” (WHICH ARE JUST TRICKS AND LIES), this day became a nonstop disappointment fest when I started this job— this job in which I have to scour the internet to find fun and interesting things to cover. Because on this day, every fun and exciting thing you see IS A LIE. Here are the most dream-crushing lies we’ve seen today.

First off, I do love that the year’s favorite April Fools punchline seems to be Zack Snyder. Does this headline make your heart seize up and your bowels loosen?

Sorry ‘bout that. Luckily, it’s not true. Unfortunately, neither is this one:

This isn’t a thing:

Neither are cat wigs.

John Stamos isn’t curating your Netflix categories.

Can you IMAGINE John Stamos in the Great British Baking Show tent? No one would get anything done.

Calvin and Hobbes isn’t back. Probably. Right?

And once again, nothing on ThinkGeek’s genius new releases list is real. Yet.

Thanks for nothing, garbage day!

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