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Girl, You Can Do So Much Better: 8 TV Crushes We Can No Longer Support

By Joanna Robinson | Lists | January 22, 2014 |

By Joanna Robinson | Lists | January 22, 2014 |

I like to call this Catalano Syndrome. As in, we get it, Angela. We do. He leans so well. He has nice eyes. He rocks the sh*t out of that choker.

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But as a match for Angela Chase we can’t honestly support this, can we? We get the infatuation. We want her to have everything she wants. But we also want her to come to her senses eventually and date the nice date-rapist from across the street. Or someone else. Just not Jordan. Emotionally distant and intellectually vague Jordan. Not for our Angela. I could do this all over again with Rory Gilmore and Jes/Logan, but I shan’t. Let’s break out of the 90s and talk about the here and now. Here are 8 TV crushes I can no longer support because, girl, you can do so much better.

Annie Edison and Jeff Winger — Community
Even Harmon himself recently called this a “school girl crush.” Annie is quite young and sweet and smart and while I like the way she and Jeff improve each other through friendship, the thought of the two of them together gives me the creeping heebie jeebies. Side note: why has Annie not had a serious boyfriend in the entire run of the show. Am I forgetting something? It’s been five seasons of pining, hasn’t it? Ugh. No.

Cary Agos and Kalinda Sharma — The Good Wife
Cary exactly how many times is Kalinda going to have to screw you over before you get the message? One more time? One more time it is.

Tina Belcher and Jimmy Jr. — Bob’s Burgers
Oh Tina, you’re a little lovable weirdo and you don’t deserve Jimmy Jr.’s scorn. Find some other nice young man to take you to Quickie-Kiss-It Island. You’ll be so much happier.

Tessa Altman and Ryan Shay — Suburgatory
Tessa’s the closest thing we have to Angela Chase these days (not just because of the flannel and the red hair). Like Ms. Chase before her, she’s hitched her wagon to a rather dim star. Ryan’s a sweetheart and we wish Parker Young well over on Enlisted but Tessa needs to quit moping and find someone more her equal.

Cups Guy and Fiona Gallagher — Shameless
We get it, Cups Guy. Fiona is extra hot and deliciously sassy. But she will break your heart into smithereens and then lie about it. Anyone would be wise to steer clear of the Gallagher clan, but at least Jimmy Steve brought his own baggage to the table. Cups Guy, you are out of your depth and, girl, you can do better.
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Daisy and Alfred — Downton Abbey
Can we PLEASE get some fresh male blood into the downstairs so Daisy can quit her moping? Mrs. Padmore is doing her best to sassy snap Daisy out of it, but I’m so tired of the long faces. For Alfred? That ginger? Daisy, you are a landowner, for pity’s sake. Aim higher.

Charles Boyle and Rosa Diaz — Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Boyle, my dove, find someone who wants to track down the perfect slice of pizza with you. Go for her, not for Rosa. Rosa we like. But this will never work. Not in any universe.
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Molly Hooper and Sherlock Holmes — Sherlock
Sherlock likes to self-diagnose as sociopath to explain away his dickish behavior. Wrong. He’s not a sociopath. But what little care he has for others is all used up and though he’s been sweeter of late to poor Molly, we’d like to see her stop pinning her hopes on Holmes or facsimiles thereof.