How was your holiday weekend? Was it sumptuous? Did you spend it snuggled close in the warm, loving embrace of your gracious, rational, even-tempered family? Did visions of sweet potatoes dance in your head? Was everything drenched in a golden Rockwellian hue of peace, love and understanding? Yes? That’s brilliant. I’m so glad for you. Some of us didn’t have it so sweet. And no, I’m not here with a poor, poor pitiful us party. Because, really, how bad could it have been? (If you got pepper sprayed or trampled because of a deeply discounted waffle iron, you have my sympathies.) But the rest of you who merely muddled through the slings and arrows of outrageous families with a full glass and well-bitten tongue, well, here are some of film’s finest Black Sheep to remind you how bad you don’t have it.
Tommy—Home For The Holidays: This film has become a stealth favorite, but if you don’t feel the need to hide your fully functional relationship/wedding from your family, then you’re doing better than Tommy.
Loki—Thor: You think your sibling is the golden child? Have you seen Thor in low rise jeans? Poor Loki never stood a chance.
Margot Tenenbaum—The Royal Tenenbaums: To be honest, Royal is the real Black Sheep of this family, but, you know, at least he wasn’t adopted. If you didn’t make out with your adopted brother in a tent shortly after he tried to commit suicide to an Elliott Smith album, you’re well ahead of Margot Tenenbaum.
Sloth—The Goonies: Oh sure, being seated at the “kid’s table” can be an indignity, but hey, you guys, at least your seat didn’t come with manacles.
Henri—A Christmas Tale: As black as they come, this Sheep is reviled by his family and “officially banished.” Did you hear the word “banished” this weekend? No? Then you’re doing just fine.
Kevin McAllister—Home Alone: To lose a child once at Christmastime may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose him twice looks like
carelessness you really, truly, honestly do not give a sh*t about this kid.
Kym—Rachel Getting Married: Oh there is no way you beat Kym in the Black Sheep department. Her parents didn’t even love her enough to give her a proper vowel.
Faramir—The Lord Of The Rings: Did your deranged parent try to burn you on a pyre this weekend? No, not a metaphorical one. Were you literally doused in some sort of flammable liquid? No? Then ol’ Faramir here has you beat.
Joanna Robinson wants you to buck up. It’s never as black as you paint it.