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Didn't Come with Any Satisfaction Guaranteed: Why Whedon's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Sucks

By Cindy Davis | Lists | January 19, 2012 |

By Cindy Davis | Lists | January 19, 2012 |

In the comments of a recent Seriously Random List of Five Shows We Refuse to Quit, I was startled to read that “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” is a series that people watch multiple times. Really? Are you kidding me? (Please?) While it’s true that Whedon has had some interesting ideas (the “Dollhouse” premise), he’s also the dude that wrote the Alien: Resurrection script—and clearly he has no idea how to cast decent actors (got lucky with “Firefly”). But let’s be honest here, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” should never have been watched the first time, never mind repeatedly.

Here’s why…

5. Super Ugly Vampires with Ferengi-like Foreheads (who wants to look at that?):


This is more like what grown-ups look for in a vampire:


4. The Show Tried to Take Itself Seriously. If your show really does resemble “Scooby Doo,” make it a comedy (on purpose). Just look at this crap … unintentional guffaws practically guaranteed.

3. Fans Knew Whedon’s Show Better Than the Man, Himself. From imdb:

“During an interview on the National Public Radio program “Fresh Air,” Joss Whedon told interviewer David Bianculli that during the first few years Buffy was on the air, he used to frequent internet message boards about the show. On one such board, there was a discussion of what the posters perceived as sexual tension between the characters Buffy and Faith. Whedon posted that he disagreed, that he thought some viewers saw “lesbian subtext behind every corner” and that they just wanted “to see girls kiss.” One poster asked Whedon to look at her website, where she had analyzed multiple Faith episodes and systematically laid out the subtext between the two slayers; after that, Whedon returned to the original posting board and apologized, saying that the original posters were absolutely correct about the lesbian subtext between Faith and Buffy.”

2. The Cast is a Veritable Who’s Who from The Joey Tribbiani School of Bad Actors.






1. Whedon Picked the wrong Buffy. Even SMG knew she wasn’t Buffy—she auditioned for Cordelia. Now just imagine how much better the whole mess would have been if this had been Buffy:


SMG still needs more time in the oven. (Have you seen “Ringer?”)

Cindy Davis is patiently awaiting your insults and death threats.

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