Last week when Stephen Colbert had Neil Patrick Harris on his show he confessed to feeling threatened. He told Harris:
“You’re an actor/singer/dancer. You’re the biggest single threat of all: You’re a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay not seem threatening. … It’s almost as if your happiness does not take my happiness away. Do you admit that you’re a likeable gay person?”
And while Harris readily copped to the crime of being both likable and gay, I’d argue he’s not the only threat this nation faces. That’s right, there’s at least two of ‘em. (Unless … they’re not the same person … right?)
But the question is: Who poses the greatest threat? Between beloved talk show host Ellen DeGeneres and the downright adorable network sitcom star Harris, which gay entertainer is the most capable of destroying our nation’s long-cherished belief that it’s not OK to be gay? We’ll put it to you to decide, gentle readers. But first … the evidence.
Most Willing To Make An Ass Of Themselves While Hosting An Awards Show
Cuddliest While Wearing PJs
Best Celebrity Endorsement
Looks Best In The Bath
Committed To Charity Work
Least Cringe-Worthy Mullet
Most Committed To Physical Fitness
Looks Better With Their Clothes Off
Plays Well With Muppets
Best Guest Spot On “The Simpsons”
Better Halloween Costume
Best Dance Moves
Advantage: Harris (DeGeneres didn’t graduate college and, as you know, Harris has both an MD and a PhD … in horribleness.)
Greatest Contribution To Animated Film
Sweetest Singing Voice
Biggest Threat To The Sanctity Of Marriage
Now that all the evidence is in, it’s time to cast your vote.
Joanna Robinson is tempted to start a write-in campaign for both George Takei and Matt Bomer’s abs.