But Honey Pie You're Not Safe Here: Thirteen Upcoming Scary Films That'll Goose Your Bumps
It’s October, people! (How did that happen?) And it is therefore time to break out the pumpkins, comfort food and scary movies. Settle in and see what’s waiting for you out there…over there! Behind you! Oh, I can’t look (*covers eyes*).
1. You’re Next August 23, 2013
Directed by Adam Wingard (V/H/S, A Horrible Way to Die), starring Sharni Vinson. A family reunion is interrupted by masked home invaders, but they don’t know about the secret weapon: kickass girlfriend Erin (Vinson).
2. Chiméres, 2013
Directed by Olivier Beguin (Dead Bones, Employee of the Month), starring Jasna Kohoutova, Yannick Rosset and Catriona MacColl. While on vacation with his girlfriend, Alexander is hit by a car, and subsequently receives a blood transfusion that leaves him…strangely affected.
3. Lords of Salem, (Premiered at the 2012 Toronto Film Festival) 2013
Directed by Rob Zombie (Halloween , House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil’s Rejects), starring Patricia Quinn, Maria Conchita Alonza, Clint Howard, Dee Wallace, Bruce Dern, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Meg Foster, Sheri Moon Zombie. A disc jockey is sent a mysterious record; she plays it and inadvertently summons a 300 year old coven of witches. (Hang the DJ?)
4. Warm Bodies, February 1, 2013
Directed by Jonathan Levine (50/50, The Wackness), starring John Malkovich, Dave Franco, Teresa Palmer, Nicholas Hoult, Analeigh Tipton and Rob Coddry. Based on the novel by Isaac Marion. A zombie eats a boy’s brains, absorbs his memories, and falls for the dead guy’s still human girlfriend.
5. Therese Raquin, December 28, 2012
Directed by Charlie Stratton (“Faux Baby, Everwood”), starring Jessica (mothereffing) Lange, Elizabeth Olsen, Tom Felton and Oscar Isaac. Based on the 1867 novel by Émile Zola, a young woman in a loveless marriage has an affair, then she and her lover murder the husband—what else could they do? Alas, the husband comes back to haunt them into misery.
6. Mama, January 18, 2013
Directorial debut by Andres Muschietti, produced by Guillermo del Toro, starring Jessica Chastain and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. Two little girls abandoned in the woods when their mother was murdered are found alive after five years, and taken in by their uncle and his wife (who has her own creepy agenda). Mama’s ghost stops by for tea…nasty hijinks ensue.
7. I, Frankenstein, September 13, 2013
Directed by Stuart Beattie (Writer: Pirates of the Carribean trilogy, Director: Tomorrow, When the War Began, starring Aaron Eckhart, Yvonne Strahovski and Bill Nighy. Based on the graphic novel by Kevin Grevioux, Frankenstein’s monster has a genetic “quirk” that has kept him alive all these years (to present day); he gets “caught up in a centuries old war between two immortal clans.”
8. The Conjuring, January 25, 2013
Directed by James Wan (Insidious, Saw), starring Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Lili Taylor and Ron Livingston. Based on House Of Darkness House Of Light: The True Story, a couple’s Rhode Island farmhouse is haunted; demonologists (Farmiga and Wilson) are called in to “help.” Good luck with that.
9. Crawlspace, (Premiering at 2012 Sitges International Fantastic Film Festival of Catalonia), 2012
Directorial debut by Justin Dix (Writer, Make-up/Special Effects Star Wars II/III), starring Peta Sergeant, Nicholas Bell. A secret research facility in Australia comes under attack; a woman who claims she has no idea how she got inside is discovered; “something terrible” escapes. Sounds like a recipe for horror…dum dum dum!
10. Roadside, 2013
Directed by Eric England (Madison County, Hostile Encounter), starring Ace Marrero, Katie Stegeman, Jack E. Curenton, Alan Pietruszewski, Lionel D. Carson and Marshall Yates. Gunman on a desolate road traps and terrorizes a couple (of idiots?).
11. Dark Skies February 22, 2013
Directed by Scott Charles Stewart (Priest, Legion), starring Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton and Dakota Goyo. Aliens have marked a couple’s son for abduction; Russell and Hamilton have to figure out how to keep the family safe.
12. Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, 2013
Directed by Kaare Andrews (The ABCs of Death, Altitude), starring Sean Astin (??), Jillian Murray, Lydia Hearst and Brando Eaton. Reboot of 2002’s Cabin Fever. A cruise ship is infected with a flesh eating virus. One of the myriad reasons I shall never cruise.
13. The Bay, November 2, 2012
Directed by Barry Levinson (Wag the Dog, Sleepers, Good Morning, Vietnam; Diner), starring Kether Donohue, Kristen Connolly, Christopher Denham, Nansi Aluka and Stephen Kunken. This one is getting good reviews (with several comparisons to Jaws) after its debut at the New York Film Festival. Found footage shows a small town suffering the effects (parasites) of an ecological disaster, covered up by the government.
The Last Voyage of Demeter, Who Knows?
Directed by Neil Marshall (Centurion, The Descent, “Game of Thrones”), possibly starring Viggo Mortensen. Follows Dracula’s journey from Transylvania to England on the Demeter—from the passengers’ points of view. This seems to be stuck in development hell at the moment, but supposedly Ben Kingsley is attached as the ship’s captain and Noomi Rapace may be playing a role.
Cindy Davis is a screamer.