This week, Children’s Hospital and Parks & Recreation’s Erinn Hayes was announced as the latest in a long line of crazy hot women being cast as the love interest of Kevin James. Hayes, who is 39, will be playing 50-year-old James’ wife of 20 years (…okay) in James’ new CBS sitcom.
Let’s get this out of the way: in life, this man:
And this woman:
—Could OF COURSE fall in love.
It would be silly and shallow and just plain ignorant to say that a woman as empirically attractive as Hayes could NEVER fall for an older, less conventionally attractive man like James. However, this is not that. This is not an example of casting that bucks our typical shallow societal expectations of what we look for in a partner. This is Kevin James never having had an onscreen romantic pairing with someone that couldn’t be on the cover of Maxim.
To illustrate, here is every woman who has ever played Kevin James’ wife, girlfriend, or reciprocated crush. This is not a selectively curated list edited to make a point. This is all of them. In order.
Patricia Heaton, Everybody Loves Raymond
Amber Valletta, Hitch
Leah Remini, The King of Queens
Jayma Mays, Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Maria Bello, Grown Ups and Grown Ups2
Winona RyderThe Dilemma
Leslie Bibb AND Rosario Dawson, Zookeeper
Salma Hayek, Here Comes the Boom
Daniella Alonso, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Jane Krakowski, Pixels
Erinn Hayes, Untitled Kevin James Sitcom
Yes, these are the women who fall in love with Kevin James’ mall cops and zoo keepers.