A 'Get Off Our Lawn' Round Up of All the Shit You Were Too Old For This Week
It’s been a mess of a week, and there’s a lot going on in the world that’s taking up all the brainspace we have available. So when we’re also overloaded in the same week with truly ridiculous nonsense, well, that stuff can end up being a pretty great mix of eye-roll-based distraction (who couldn’t use some displacement for their ire?) and actual confusion.
And when I say we’re too old for this shit, I’m not talking about our actual potentially juvenile interests. I have a lot of feelings about Star Trek and Iron Man this week. I’ve lost a lot of friends today to whatever Pokémon GO is. But screw any judgement about those things. This is for those things that make you feel like Ryan Reynolds at a Taylor Swift barbecue.
Reynolds looks like he forgot to say cheese bc he was mentally cataloging the regrettable choices that led to this pic.twitter.com/koFtgdNSrm— beautiful lunatic (@mostlyemotional) July 6, 2016
Mine might not line up with yours. But here’s what’s got me feeling especially out of touch this week.
This is a thing now. It’s the new duckface— the new favorite selfie pose. It consists of, as you might guess, draping your fingers around your mouth.
We can trace the lineage of the term all the way back to BuzzFeed last week.
Speaking of fingermouthing, I know most of us over the age of whatever our average is here don’t use or even fully understand Snapchat. But my basic understanding is that you take a picture and it disappears. Now (again, if I get this right), the “Memories” function lets you save those pictures for later.
…Like a camera does.
My roommate received this email from a Microsoft recruiter today. pic.twitter.com/90Qwr78eGO— Patrick Burtchaell (@pburtchaell) July 6, 2016
This one makes me feel way too sad, because I can totally relate with “Kim,” who just doesn’t get why her recruitment events get such bad attendance, despite all the baes and “hella noms” they’ve got laid out.
I know, I know, I’m part of the problem. I’ve been talking about this all week. But it’s just because I have such a total lack of understanding as to what is happening.
To be honest, I just want to reach the level of crotchety, carefree existence that I feel comfortable making my lack of fucks left to give known, and— for example, maybe— just start calling everyone Jake.