Yes, I realize that most of you are tired of reading and hearing about Breaking Dawn: Part I, but I’m not yet wearied from my general sense of bemusement over the outraged reaction that this franchise is absolutely ruining a generation of young, impressionable minds.
On the contrary, I believe that the latest installment of the Twilight Saga succeeded not because young people are unable to appreciate good films and literature but also because they have a sense of humor about the bad ones as well. Indeed, Summit Entertainment did a remarkable job of marketing the balls-out absurdity of this movie.
Seriously, Twilight isn’t going to kill our kids and destroy feminism just because it encourages abstinence. If anything, it might just result in a few less illegitimate children and maybe save a few people from STDs in the process. Is that really such an awful prospect?
Meanwhile, several other evils have persisted throughout our popular culture. Let’s do this:
Harry Potter: For encouraging witchcraft and swapping out actors for the same character during various installments. Poor Dumbledore.
Hair Bands: For misuse of spandex and willful destruction of the ozone layer through millions of cans of CFC-laden Rave hairspray.
The Beatles: For the spawning of endless generations of boy bands, including NKOTB, Backstreet Boys, and Jonas Brothers.
“Star Trek”: For Orion slave girls. Duh.
“Sex and the City”: For ridiculous consumerism and the iconic interpretation of the fashion sense of Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hipsters: For basically everything that fits the definition except for “Arrested Development.” And in regard to Michael Cera, for that too.
The Waif: For ensuring that virtually no young girl will ever be free from the temptation of eating disorders.
Flower Power: For smelling like patchouli and encouraging an unkempt lifestyle rampant with STDs.
And a little unexpected bonus number for you…
MC Hammer Pants: For nothing but the pants themselves.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.