Watching last Sunday’s chest-thumping episode of “Game of Thrones,” I was struck by the idea that a certain creepy spider would provide an amusing episode on another show, and with that my brain was off and running. Wouldn’t it be fun to send a few adored (or despised) characters to another world for a spell (or forever)? Let’s play shuffle the deck, shall we?
“Breaking Bad’s” Saul Goodman to “Sons of Anarchy”
Better call Saul back from that rumored spin-off, because it’s going to tank. But Bob Odenkirk’s weaselly attorney is a gift and I know just the new home for his smarmy self: Charming, CA. Lord knows Jax and Co. could use Saul’s fast talking skills and his brand of humor would fit right in. Let him be the next John Munch, and when “Sons of Anarchy” wraps, I have a feeling Hannibal Lecter will be needing some legal services.
“The Walking Dead’s” Daryl Dixon to “Justified”
Daryl Dixon can never die, so don’t even think about it, Kirkman. But he does like to wander off by himself every now and again, so how about he heads on over to the hills of Kentucky to have a little showdown with Ellstin Limehouse? Much as I enjoy Limehouse, the character will have to be taken out eventually; why not do it with the smooth styling of Daryl’s crossbow? And boy howdy, I’d sure like to see Raylan and Mr. Dixon in the same wooded clearing a time or two.
“Hannibal’s” Freddie Lounds to “True Blood”
Speaking of people I’d like to see in a wooded clearing (surrounded by hungry vampires or out of control werewolves)…”reporter” Freddie Lounds needs to be disappeared. This underhanded and annoying tabloid blogger doesn’t give a shit whose career or life she might be ruining, so I say send her on a crossover from which she’ll never return. And while I have an idea that some part of her (lips?) is eventually going to end up on a certain someone’s fine china, I don’t want to wait. Wouldn’t we all find it more satisfying to see her terrified face right before a group of hungry magical something or others devour her alive? Karma, baby.
“Doctor Who’s” The Doctor and Clara to “Game of Thrones”
Something inexplicable makes me want to see these two magical worlds brought together, so let the Doctor swing that TARDIS right on down, into the land of winter and White Walkers. Moffat loves a monster (and wintry wonders), so what better than to send Eleven and the delightful Miss Oswald to the alternate reality that is “Game of Thrones”? Perhaps the Doctor hears the cry of one of the lost Craster babes, or rescues a Walker separated from his pack.
“Bates Motel’s” Norma Bates to “Mad Men”
The time has come for wicked Pete Campbell to meet his match—someone whose heart is as dark and self-serving as his own—Norma Louise Bates. She doesn’t have to do much of anything other than to seduce him like he’s never been before, use him up (wreaking havoc on his work schedule/missing important meetings) and then disappear, leaving him in a sweaty, emotional heap on the floor. Little Pete needs a taste of his own nasty medicine.
“Breaking Bad’s” Marie Schrader to “Hannibal”
Marie needs a competent shrink. And who better to play with her head than the brilliant and beautiful
Mads Hannibal Lecter? For five seasons now, Marie has irritated the ever-living fork out of Hank and us, and for that she must pay. When Dr. Lecter has spent enough time (an hour?) trying to rehabilitate Marie’s self-indulgent kleptomania (and possible narcissism), he’ll realize what’s best for everyone: fava beans and a nice chianti. Plus, Hank’ll be so busy he won’t even notice she’s gone.
“Game of Thrones’” Varys and Lady Tyrell to “Downton Abbey”
So this is the vision that popped into my little head: Lady Tyrell and Varys visit the Dowager Countess of Grantham. Can’t you just see Olenna and Violet taking afternoon tea together? Lady Tyrell will take one look at the Downton goings-on and begin a biting commentary; Lady Grantham will politely cut her off at the knees. Meanwhile downstairs, Varys—who’s been mistaken for Lady’s Tyrell’s spider-in-waiting—conspires with Thomas and O’Brien to take out Carson and Mrs. Hughes. Delicious.