Yesterday we got some upsetting news, first that the new season of Twin Peaks we’ve waited 25 years for had been cancelled. Then that was updated with the perhaps even more upsetting news that it wasn’t cancelled, David Lynch had just pulled out. Our own Brock Wilbur laid out some almost convincing arguments as to why this may not be the worst thing to ever happen in the history of television, but at this point, most of us can’t imagine this going forward without Lynch attached.
Unlike the log, I do judge. So if the show does have to go forward with a new director, as an inevitably disappointing version of a show we once loved, I say we aim low. REALLY low. Let’s guarantee this whole season is so terrible Showtime never tries this impostor reboot bullshit again. Here are just a few nominations for directors that could take over and kill it so dead it’s beyond any further rebooting.
Here’s how you kill a show:
I feel like we could actually lure him into taking this job pretty easily, as for one, Franco seems incapable of saying no to absolutely anything, and two, this project has the appeal of enhancing his desired Very Serious and Artsy Director image. And then if we’re lucky,
At the start of this year, we were all fairly excited about Neill Blomkamp, after he released some old abandoned Alien franchise concept art. We wanted him to make all the movies! But then Chappie came out. And that reminded us that Elysium existed. And Blomkamp himself never seems to be too thrilled about his own career when he talks about it in interviews. So maybe we just give him Twin Peaks and let them both go out in a quiet blaze of disappointment.
Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg
If you’re not familiar, these are the Movie Movie guys (Date Movie, Scary Movie, etc. etc. ad murderum). I think the absolute best way to guarantee none of us is tempted to see a Lynchless Twin Peaks is to give it to these guys and have them turn it into Pie Movie or some such nonsense.
M. Night Shyamalan
This is the show he wishes he were making. Let him ditch his knockoff and be done with the whole thing.
No, he’s not a director (aside from a few episodes of his own terrible sitcoms). But what do you say we let him take over as producer, have him punch up the existing scripts (meaning he inserts a laugh track and some bazingas and shit), and we call it a day?
For when you really want to burn this shit to the ground, fast.