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5 Actors Who We Desperately Need to Pull a Paltrow

By Cindy Davis | Lists | February 23, 2016 |

By Cindy Davis | Lists | February 23, 2016 |

I don’t know if people remember this the same way as I do, but right before Gwyneth Paltrow egregiously stole away Cate’s award won that Best Actress Oscar for Shakespeare in Love, she’d been in several back-to-back movies (Sliding Doors, Great Expectations, A Perfect Murder, Hush). Coming off a broken engagement to Brad Pitt and dating Ben Affleck, Gwynnie was basically everyfuckingwhere we looked. The lead-up to the 1998 Academy Awards was nearly unbearable, and that was before she’d even dreamed of having an Apple or spreading her Goop around the world. Sometimes it’s all just too much, and not only for us. I remember watching that particular awards ceremony, Gwynnie in her ill-fitting pink dress, sobbing about her win and her grandfather, and the speech that just went on and on and on;


all I could think was, “Damn girl, we all need a break.”

As if she’d heard our collective plea, Gwyneth finally went quietly into the night. Not to say that she didn’t make any movies, rather, she just got out of our faces for a while. When she returned, it was (temporarily) a calmer, more satisfied-in-the-back-seat kind of Gwynnie, and we all lived happily ever after the Paltrow-lite life, until she resurfaced as the Goopish Avengers sidekick we know and love today. Point being, sometimes actors just oversaturate us with their presence and no matter how great they are or potentially will be, everyone needs a breather. Anne Hathaway knew it was her time a few years back (and — this may be the only upside to Hollywood whitewashing — there are no actors of color on this We-Need-a-Break list); here are five actors who desperately need to pull a Paltrow.

Leonardo DiCaprio


Some of us still love you, Leo, and I don’t even care if you grab that long overdue Oscar on your way out. But after that? *poof* Time to disappear.

Tom Hardy


Ditto. Take your buddy with you, scram! Aw, don’t look at me with those puppy eyes; come on, now. Locke, The Drop, Mad Max, Legend — TH x 2! — The Revenant; you’ve been all over the damned place. Hush a little while, and we’ll let you come back early.

Jennifer Lawrence


I mean, I called David O. and even he’s like,


Johnny Depp


You’ve had a lot going on for a while now, Johnny (personally and professionally), and I know if Leo wins, you’ll feel like you have to nab that Best Actor thing too. But, take some time, slow down a little. You can do better than the obvious nabs, bad comedy, and the variations on Captain Jack. Give us a breather, then come back and have yourself a fresh award season throwdown with Arnie.

Damian Lewis


Maybe it was the one-two-three punch of Homeland, Wolf Hall and then Billions, but that smug mug is getting to be a little too much. Where are the days of Crews and Winters? Refresh, relax, and reset; we’ll still be here.

Yeah, I hear ya…Cindy Davis, (Twitter) should bugger off.