1. Can’t Hardly Wait is a more rewatchable 90’s teen movie than Clueless. This is scientific fact.
2. Soda taste better with ice, even if the canned or bottled soda is already cold. Period.
3. Though the same cannot be said today, Val Kilmer was more bangable than Robert Downey, Jr. in the 90s.
4. Pitched correctly, a Gilly movie could be the greatest horror movie in a generation.
5. Besides The Avengers, Captain America Winter Soldier is the best Marvel movie so far.
6. “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” was the best theme song of the 1990s.
7. The five best animated films of the last 5 years were not Pixar movies. They were, in order, The LEGO Movie, How to Train Your Dragon, Wreck-It-Ralph, Frozen, and How to Train Your Dragon 2. This is irrefutable.
8. You liked the Counting Crows. I liked the Counting Crows. We all liked the Counting Crows. But the Counting Crows were never really very good.
9. Piper Chapman is not the most annoying character on Orange is the New Black. Dayanara Diaz is.
10. Broad City is better than Girls. This isn’t even up for debate.
11. So I Married an Axe Murderer is Mike Myers’ best movie.
12. The Lost finale was more satisfying than the How I Met Your Mother finale.
13. Emma Thompson > Emma Stone > Emma Watson > Emma Roberts
14. Rick and Morty is better than Archer.
15. Nobody with kids cares about your pets, nobody with pets cares about your kids.
16. That Thing You Do! is better than Empire Records
17. Stannis Baratheon’s plotline is slightly less boring but slightly more annoying than Bran Stark’s plotline.
18. Steve Coogan would’ve been a slightly better David Brent than Ricky Gervais on the UK The Office
19. Dave Holmes was the most likable MTV VJ of all time.
20. Ghostbusters was better than Back to the Future. No. Back to the Future was better than Ghostbusters. No. Shit. Nevermind. That one’s impossible.
21. The funniest season of a network sitcom since season two of Community was season two of Happy Endings. The best season was Parks and Recreation season four.
22. Stephen Colbert > Stephen Tobolowsky > Stephen Moyer > Stephen Dorff
23. Chipotle > Qdoba > Moes (if you’re in Boston, Anna’s beats them all).
24. The Phil Collins episode of This American Life is the best episode of This American Life.
25. Tastykakes are neither cakes nor tasty. They are highly sweetened lard loafs with the not very subtle taste of cellophane. However, their consumption is unavoidable.