For reasons beyond all semblance of normal human understanding, Donald Trump has not yet been placed in a box and hidden at the bottom of the ocean until this all blows over. In fact, while many of us laugh gleefully at his antics, many more of us weep softly at the terrifying idea that he could actually pull this off. That there exists a possibility, no matter how small, that he could be our president. And if that happens, several other things will also happen. Mark my words. Things like…
A need for increased border patrol
Overly strained eye muscles
Increased laughter-to-tear attacks
25 seasons of Big Bang Theory
Shorties Watching Shorties shortage
All our periods at once
All of us. Even the men. These 15 biblically foretold plagues upon humanity (I believe the Bible spoke of Big Bang Theory in Deuteronomy) will all sweep this world the second Trump is sworn in as leader. Stay vigilant, my people. Collect water bottles and batteries and hairspray (he’ll buy all the hairspray is what I think I’m saying).