This weekend, Michelle Pfeiffer is one of many who will debase themselves for a quick buck in the romcom ensemble piece known as New Year’s Eve, and it’s such a damn shame because Pfeiffer is a fine actress who has starred in many wonderful movies. At the same time though, she’s revelled in a bunch of crap as well. Let us count the reasons why:
Charlie Chan and The Curse of the Dragon Queen: Sure, it’s a spoof, a parody, or whatever term can be used to describe general silliness. That doesn’t excuse the fact that it’s a crappy movie.
Grease 2: Why was there even a sequel to the original? Not enough summer lovin,’ I guess.
Dangerous Minds: For rampant racism that runs in both directions. That Coolio song wasn’t bad though.
One Fine Day: For ever thinking that George Clooney made sense in a romantic comedy.
Into the NIght: For blending insomnia, infidelity, and a story of smuggled emeralds (but possibly worth it for the David Bowie).
What Lies Beneath: For too many red herrings and not nearly enough scares.
A Thousand Acres: For setting a Shakespearean story on an Iowa farm and then turning into a maudlin affair. Although Pfeiffer’s performance here wasn’t nearly as terrible as her turn in A Midsummer Night’s Dream.
Up Close & Personal: For twisting the true story of the first American television news anchor into an insipid romantic dramedy.
To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday: For holding a birthday party for a dead woman and for Clare Danes’ crumpleface.
I Could Never Be Your Woman: An over-warmed cliché about fabricated drama in the relationship between an older woman and younger man. Merely because of the age difference.
And a little unexpected bonus number for you…
Tequila Sunrise: Some would call this an underrated movie, but I like to think the overall tanning problem of the cast (especially Mel Gibson) qualifies it a precursor to “Jersey Shore.”
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.