A list like this needs very little introduction, particularly in this venue where kiddie flicks are generally viewed as, well, total dog crap. Yes, there are a few exceptions to that rule, but we’re not here to talk about those lofty examples. Instead, I’m referring to those children’s CGI-action movies that feature sellout actors, who usually try to justify their behavior by saying they only wanted to be in a movie that their kids could watch. Even though they really did it for the money.
Jason Lee in Alvin and the Chipmunks: He puttered shamefaced through the first movie and managed to bow out for The Squeakuel, but he’s back for the third installment, Chipwrecked. So let’s kick this list off with Lee himself because — let’s face it — no amount of cult television-related goodwill could ever redeem these cinematic sins of his. (See also David Cross.)
Anna Faris in Yogi Bear: Sadly, this movie, which also stars semi-sentient waxwork Tom Cavanagh, probably doesn’t even make her top five worst movies list.
James Marsden in Hop: The easter basket hurdle run was truly the defining moment of this Cadbury egg filled copiously with crap.
Neil Patrick Harris in The Smurfs: Playing air guitar with little blue people is truly as smurfy as sticking a smurf up your smurf.
Chris O’Donnell in Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore: See what wearing Batnipples can do to an actor’s career? Sure, the German Shepherd in this movie was adorable, but the shaved pussy most certainly was not.
Geena Davis in Stuart Little: Maybe this is the hell within which her Thelma & Louise character found herself right after driving off the edge of the Grand Canyon.
Freddie Prinze Jr. in Scooby Doo: Man, what a dork.
Jennifer Love Hewitt in Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties: Was this the exact moment when JLH started to lose her crushworthiness?
Will Arnett G-Force: Yes, we know. He made a huge mistake.
And a little unexpected bonus number for you…
Christina Ricci in Casper: Does it still count if she’s was a kid while starring in this movie? Fuck yeah it does.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.